Okay, so now, part two from yesterday, about Christmas day. Natalie woke up at about 6:30 am, and headed right for the stairs. We had the foresight to put the gate up at the top of the stairs, though. So she headed over to our room. She didn't say a word, but just climbed right in next to me and snuggled down. That's the situation that I had been hoping for. She fell right back asleep and we all stayed snuggly and asleep until a bit after 8. Once everyone was awake, we all headed downstairs. Natalie saw all the presents but we went over to the cookie plate first. At first she was concerned that Santa hadn't eaten anything, because the cookies were still there. I brought the plate down and showed her that he had taken a big bite out of each cookie. She was pretty impressed. "Santa takes BIG bites!" Then we opened our stockings, with lots of yummy treats that they couldn't yet eat, and then moved on to presents. The first thing opened was the ball pit, because it was just sitting in the middle of the living room with a sheet over it. (And a couple bows.) It was labeled as for Ethan but Natalie did most of the "unwrapping" of the sheet. Ethan crawled right into it and then so did Natalie. We had to convince them to go open other presents. After every present was opened, both kids but especially Ethan wanted to play with each toy. I think he got a little frustrated after awhile because we just kept handing him more things to open and then putting aside each toy.  Natalie was most excited about her Dora video game (the kind that plugs right into the TV and has a joystick that is shaped like Map). Ethan liked his ball pit, and also his Wiggles guitar.  Natalie got lots of Dora things. (And there's still a lot she didn't get, some of which she will get for her birthday this year. She's been saying it's going to be a Dora party ever since the day after her Wiggles party last year.)

After we finished opening our presents, we collected a few things to take with us and went to my mom's house. It felt a little strange to not be driving over there at 8 in the morning! (Thank you, Sarah, for finally understanding that presents don't necessarily need to be opened at the first sight of daylight!) When we got over there, there was another mountain of presents waiting. First we opened our stockings with the individually wrapped socks (Santa must really love wrapping socks because we find them in everyone's stockings every year!) For the second time, we (at least, all the non-kids) had instant lottery tickets in our stockings, and for the second time, I was again the only one in the family with a winning ticket. I think last time I won $6. I got a $4 winner this time. Woohoo!  When we first brought the kids into the room, Ethan right away went for a toy that he knew must be his - a little ride-on motorcycle. He had a little trouble getting it to stay balanced but he's getting the hang of it now. Papa Brett must have had some influence on Santa for that one. By the time all the presents were opened, Ethan was practically buried in a mound of wrapping paper, and the kids had piles of new toys to play with the rest of the day. Natalie got a dress-up box that we all tried out later on, even Phil. (He didn't put the makeup on, though Natalie had a good time with it all day.) 

As presents were finishing up, Natalie asked for us to open her package of M&M's ("ems") which she had gotten in her stocking here at home and was one of the things we brought with us. Phil and I almost didn't let her have it because we didn't want to get her on a sugar high so early in the day, but we'd already eaten breakfast at home and Christmas dinner was still a couple hours away, so we decided to go ahead and open them for her. Phil opened them. He couldn't open the package using his hands so he went to the kitchen to look for scissors. Not finding any (they were hiding in plain sight in the knife block) he decided to open the plastic bag using one of my mom's Cutco knives. The same kind - and the same size knife - that I sliced my finger with a couple years ago when cutting up an apple for Natalie. He was in the kitchen by himself, when I suddenly heard a calm "ouch" from the kitchen. I didn't go see what was wrong because there was no hint of panic in his voice. Then he said "ouch" again, still just as calmly. I stood to go into the kitchen, asking "Phil, what did you do?", expecting to see that he stubbed his toe or something. There he was, holding his finger, and there were drops of blood on the knife and on the counter top. He'd sliced his finger pretty good. Brett offered to drive him to the hospital, because I didn't think the kids, with as hyped up as they were, would be happy with both mom and dad being gone, or going with us to sit in a waiting room either. I expected it to take a long time, being Christmas. Phil said that when he got there, to the triage area, he squeezed his finger a little so that when they evaluated him his finger would spurt some blood and they'd take him back quicker. A smart husband I've got. After about an hour, I was about to call to check in to see if he'd gotten back to be seen yet, and he came in the door. Much faster than I had expected! He got two stitches on the pad of his left hand middle finger, and it was wrapped with gauze to the base of his finger. (So the rest of the day it very much looked like he was giving a rude gesture to everyone.) 

The rest of the day wasn't as eventful. (Phil wonders what he can do to top this one next year.) We had a really yummy dinner, then we spent the rest of the day just being together. We got home at about 8:00, and the kids were very tired. Natalie started in with some tears and told us, "I don't WANT it to be Christmas anymore!" To which I replied, "That's good, because Christmas is over now, it's time for bed. We won't have Christmas again until next year!" Which brought on even more tears.  The poor kid was so tired. 

Speaking of being tired, Natalie is now in a big girl bed - a twin size. We got her a bed frame several months ago but hadn't yet gotten a mattress. Natalie got twin size Dora sheets for Christmas, so she needed the bed now. My mom found her one on a "freecycle" site, and we got it on the day after Christmas. It's very big and tall! (And much more comfy than the old crib mattress she's used in her toddler bed.) Last night for some reason she decided it was too high, so in desperation for her getting to sleep, Phil took the mattress off the frame and put it on the floor. She's loved being up so high before last night, though, so we don't know what the deal was. She really loves her Dora sheets, too. (Of course.)

Tomorrow is the last day of the year already! How is this possible? 2005 was a good year for us. We got a lot turned around this year, especially in the area of finances. It was a good decision to sell the house, even though we are now totally sick of wall-neighbors and apartment mentality (where no one cares about anyone around them or taking care of their place). We're currently looking for a house to rent. We still don't want house debt, because the goal is to get completely out of debt, but we don't want wall-neighbors anymore, if we can find something that is good. So far the only place we've looked at is a house that is sitting on two acres of land, surrounded by corn fields. Talk about a major change! Our lease isn't up until February, though, so we've got some time.  This was also the year that Phil got his license to preach. That was the highlight of the year that we represented with this year's ornament. (We found a Hallmark ornament of a "Little Shepherd Boy".)

You know, just because I don't think I've ever actually written it down, I think I'll list each year's ornament. We've gotten at least one each year since we were engaged, in 1997:

December 29, 2005
I wonder if I'm the only one who thinks that the traditional "Rock a bye baby" song is awful and more than a little sadistic -- probably written by some new mom with bad PPD bordering on psychosis. 

I've found that the only way to get the boy to take a nap, other than either letting him scream himself to sleep on the floor at my feet, or going for a L-O-N-G drive in the van, is by singing quiet, repetitive songs to him. He really loves it. One second he'll be writhing and screaming his head off, and in the next, if I start in on some inane ditty, he's shutting his eyes. So, I sing. Usually off-key because I'm trying to practically whisper each word, therefore there is no breath support for a decent tune. Just a few minutes ago I was upstairs rocking and singing him to nap-land, desperate because Phil has the van today (his car isn't working again) so I couldn't go for a drive, and Ethan was acting very tired. And we have dinner plans with our pastor tonight so I REALLY didn't want him to be falling apart at 6:30 tonight. As I was in the middle of singing the aforementioned song, I realized "my goodness, what an awful thing to sing about so sweetly!"  I then went back to my normal standards, "Twinkle twinkle" and "Jesus Loves Me". Other than those two I come up with bad repetitions of "I love you, go to sleep, I love you, go to sleep" sung in some manner of a tune. I have real problems remembering any other slow, repetitive lullaby songs. I just can't bring myself to sing the Brahms Lullaby song to Ethan, because we made up words for it when Natalie was a newborn and it's therefore Natalie's song. It feels weird to sing it any other way other than "Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep, oh, my baby, go to slee-eep, go to sleep, go to sleep Na-ta-lieee...". The good thing is, off-key singing or not, Ethan is currently taking a nap. I was successful in the delicate arms-to-crib transfer. Getting a young toddler to sleep for a nap is so much harder when you aren't nursing!

Ethan has, speaking of which, lately been making leaps and bounds (literally) into toddler-dome. He's not happy to just be walking, now he wants to run and climb. He discovered the word "no" on Christmas day. It was cute when he first said it, because he didn't say it defiantly but instead just answered "no" when Phil asked him if the sock he was holding up was his. "Nooooo" he answered so cutely. But within the last couple days he's discovered the word also means "I don't want it", which isn't as cute! Last night at both lunch and dinner he was being picky (which is something else new -- he usually eats everything and many times big quantities of everything too), and when I offered him a bite from his fork, he shook his head and said "Noooo".

While I'm still blessed with at least one sleeping child, I'm going to attempt to give a rundown on Christmas this year. On the Wednesday before Christmas, Natalie went with Aunt Nanny and Uncle Bruce, and Aunt Sarah, to see the Nutcracker. According to my sister, she got bored during the second half, but overall I think it was a big success. Natalie showed me all the ballet moves the next day, and she told me all about the mice "who weren't real mice, mom, they were people dressed up like mice". She also was most impressed that just she got to go. "Just me, and Aunt Nanny, and Aunt Sarah, and 'Unka' Bruce. Not Ethan, or Daddy, or YOU, mom." While we were Natalie-less, we went to pick up Phil's car (which was, for at least that one evening, working almost beautifully) at the Mazda shop, then we went to Bob Evan's for dinner. We thought, this will be easy -- only one kid! Well, Ethan was all out of sorts, we think because he was missing his sister. He kept looking around like she was missing and he had to find her. We ended up ordering the food 'to go' and just hoping we could get through the meal. We did, but it was very touch-and-go. We ate the whole meal out of the to-go containers, just in case we had to make a quick escape because of a screaming child. So much for a relaxing dinner out. 

On Christmas Eve we had our church service at 5pm. My mom, Brett, and Grandma Hedrick joined us for the service. The kids were dressed up oh-so-very cutely (see the first picture from the last journal) but they acted as if they had never been in a church service before. They were so wild! I knew that there would be no children's church or nursery, so I even thought to bring snacks with me. Goldfish, and an entire box of raisins for each child. They were all gone before we'd even finished singing the Christmas carols. We tried to keep them quiet for at least a few minutes of the sermon, but finally I gave in and took the kids out. I had a little heart-to-heart chat with Natalie in the bathroom. When we came out she promised that "I'll behave now, mama." and we just stood along the back rows instead of going back to my seat. (Silly me to think we could make it through an entire service, with just one purse full of snacks, in our second-row seat where we are in view of and therefore a distraction to EVERYONE!) You can dress them up, but they are still kids -- on the night before Christmas when the level of excitement and anticipation is at an all-time high. There were a couple of other moms hanging around the back with their little angels too.

Following the service, we all went back to my place for our Happy Birthday Jesus party. Brett and I made his famous tacos, which were as yummy as usual, and then we had cake, which was also very good. (This time I made white cake with white chocolate butter cream - real butter cream, not yucky Criso, filled with raspberry jam filling.) We then let the kids open one present each. (That's a tradition from Phil's family, because his dad used to open all their presents on Christmas Eve. What's the fun in that?? One of the best memories I have as a kid at Christmas is waking up at about 3 am and listening to music with my sister to pass the time until we were allowed to get mom up, at 6 am. One year I remember the music we listened to was the oh-so-Christmasy "Look What the Cat Dragged In" album by Poison. That must have been, what, about 1987?) After opening the presents, Natalie and I picked out a couple cookies to leave out for Santa, and then Phil read both kids the Christmas story. Natalie went right to sleep, which I'm still a little surprised about, and she stayed asleep all night. Ethan was more wound up than usual, so it took him some time to drift off, but by 10-something, both kids were asleep and Santa could come.

I'll have to write about Christmas Day the next time, because Ethan just woke up. Oh well, some nap is better than none.

December 27, 2005
First, some pictures from the last few days.

I know I'm just a bit biased, but these are undeniably cute kids.

Before the Christmas Eve service at my church. Ethan didn't want to sit up there with his sister if I stepped too far from him.

Us, after the service. We wanted it to just be a picture of the kids, but they were way too tired and overexcited by this point. 

'Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house, not a cartoon was playing, not even a Dora. The toys were all scattered through the living room without care, in hopes that the mama or daddy would soon be there (to clean it up). 

I couldn't even get a good picture to do it justice, because you would really need a 360 degree picture to see the complete destruction. 

I'll write a narrative account of Ethan's second and Natalie's fourth Christmas later on. I just wanted to get these photos posted right now. Here's several more. (One big montage picture, so it may take a few moments to load, at least if you have dial-up, like I do.)

December 21, 2005
It's the shortest day of the year! Somewhere along the lines of 9 hours of sunlight is expected for today. Well, at least it's all uphill from here - that's the only way I can look at it and not get depressed. That, and thinking about our friends Dan and Ann who are moving (might be there already) to Alaska, where they have significantly less sunlight than we have today.

We're so excited about Christmas coming in a few days. I know I probably said this last year, but this year is really the first time that Natalie truly knows what is going on and is excited about Christmas being here. This year she knows who Santa is, and she knows that she asked him to bring her a Dora video game. She sees people dressed up as Santa and she makes sure she tells me, "Mama, THAT'S not Santa Claus." The one she met at Eastland Mall is the real one. She knows that Christmas is when we celebrate Jesus' birthday, too. It's so cute to hear her singing Christmas carols when we're in the car. Yesterday she asked me if Jesus was going to come to our house and have some cake when we have our Happy Birthday Jesus party on Christmas Eve after church. Every day for the last couple weeks, she's asked me at least once, "Is it Christmas now?" We have a little Advent calendar that has a small piece of chocolate that you pop out, one per day, so that's helped with showing her how long it is till Christmas, but she still asks. 

I'm so excited to see the kids, and particularly Natalie, open up their presents. For the past few years we haven't been able to get much, other than stockings and a couple small things, but this year we were able to get a little more. In addition to a few things we've gotten for them, a few weeks ago I went to Once Upon a Child and got two BIG bagfuls of toys for the kids, for about $30 total. Yes, they are used, but barely, and they look brand new. The kids don't care, anyway. A few years from now, maybe, but not now. We found a ball pit, with balls, for Ethan, which is currently blown up and hiding under a sheet, out in the garage. Almost every time we pull the van in, Natalie asks what it is, and I have to tell her that it's a surprise for Ethan for Christmas. I'm sure it's going to annoy me in the coming months because it's really big and will take up lots of room, not to mention all the balls that will go everywhere, but I know that Ethan is going to really love it. Natalie's favorite toy, at least initially, will be the Dora video game, since that's what she's been asking for non-stop. (She's actually gotten pretty good at doing some of our Nintendo games, like Mario, which she likes to play with her daddy.)

Tonight Natalie is going with Aunt Nanny and Uncle Bruce, and Aunt Sarah too, to see the Nutcracker. She's excited to see all the ballet dancers. I just hope everyone's up to the challenge of sitting through a performance with a not-quite four year old! I told my sisters to expect potty breaks not timed to the intermission, snack requests, and many "what are they doing?" questions. She'll probably really love it, though, especially now that she's doing ballet. The song that she will be dancing to in her recital (in May) is the Waltz of the Flowers, so I know she'll get excited when she hears that. I think she'll also like seeing the orchestra. She loves listening to classical music. (Usually she dances to it, even when she's sitting in her car seat. So I wouldn't be surprised if she wants to dance along tonight, too.)

Yesterday we went with my mom to get the kids some new shoes. Natalie decided she didn't want new tennis shoes, but that's another story. She at least got new black dress up shoes, which she really needed the most. (For tonight, too.) Ethan got some new walking shoes. As we were leaving the store, I caught him doing something that once again showed just how much the boy pays attention to everything going on around him. He started smacking the bottom of his shoes, trying to get them to light up, just like the shoes Natalie was trying on. Unfortunately his don't light up, but he was certainly trying his best! Last week, Ethan was sitting in the blue rocking chair, drinking from his milk cup and watching whatever was on the TV. He sat there rocking, then as I was watching him, he just nonchalantly sat his cup down right on the arm rest of the chair, balancing it just perfectly, and went back to watching TV. How did he figure that one out? I think it would take a lot of concentration and attempts for me to balance a cup on that armrest, and he just plopped it right on without thinking twice about it. Ethan may not exactly know what is going on with Christmas yet, but he sure is a smart little cookie. His latest favorite book is a little board book of animal pictures. (Every night at story reading time, in addition to Natalie's five books, he brings over his animal book too.) His little eyes just light up so much as we're going through that book. He gets so thrilled when he says a word and he knows that we figured out what he was saying. He especially likes the kitty ("mee!") the puppy ("woof") and the rabbit and kangaroo pictures (to both of which he makes the bunny sign and says "hop hop"). If the book had a duck, that would be another favorite. I also love it when we read Goodnight Moon together. He's already pointing to the "quiet old lady who was whispering hush", and when we get to the word "hush", he puts his finger to his lips and says "sssshhh". He's such a little cutie.

I will hopefully remember to take a lot more pictures of Christmas this year. Last year I just didn't get that many. Maybe it was because I was trying to take care of a three month old...

December 14, 2005
An update on the dance class situation. Yesterday was class day again. All week long, Natalie had been insisting that she didn't want to go back to tap. I just kept telling her that I'd talk to Miss Molly about it - I didn't want to promise anything, particularly about the fact that Natalie wanted to switch to ballet instead. When we got in there yesterday morning, before tumbling class, I told her what had been going on, and that Natalie had been going on and on about wanting to do ballet instead, but I thought it was too late since the class has been going on since September. Molly told me that just the week before, another little girl had switched to ballet from jazz, and that at this age the kids often switch all around so it really would be okay. Well, Natalie went through her tumbling class (which she's never wavered on having fun at!) and then during tap I told her that she didn't have to dance but I at least wanted to sit in there with her. So that's what we did, and several times throughout the class I asked Natalie if she wanted to go join in, but the whole class time she insisted that she didn't. She sat on the floor next to the chair I was sitting in, and she never once let go of my chair leg. All week long, and yesterday during class, she told me that she didn't like it because "it was too loud". She said the other kids tapping gave her a headache. She was done with tap. She told me, "I just want to do tumbling and ballet." So, after tap class, obviously Natalie's last, I told Miss Molly that we would be back in a half hour for ballet. I took the kids out to the van so that Natalie could rest for a little while, and then we went back in for ballet. (She just wore her tumbling shoes for this time.) Well, she LOVED it. She came out of class absolutely grinning from ear to ear. Molly said that she tried everything and was catching on really quickly. All afternoon yesterday Natalie kept practicing her "sashays". She's so cute.  As we left dance class, Natalie told me very fervently that she really wanted to do ballet again next week. She said "I want to do ballet always, Mama." Well, maybe she'll at least get through the rest of the year, but she really did like it a lot, and it wasn't loud or headache-inducing at all.  We left and went right to Once Upon a Child to sell back her tap shoes and try to find some ballet slippers. We didn't find any ballet shoes in her size yet, but we did sell back the tap shoes. She said "bye bye, tap shoes!" as we were bringing them into the store. I guess she really was happy to be done with it! 

We will have an hour break now, between tumbling and ballet, but that might be for the better too, because if this is related to her just being too tired after her first class (my grandma's suggestion, and I think, very possible) this will give her a nice long break to relax between classes. 

On another note, we went to a Christmas tree farm on Sunday afternoon and cut down our tree for the year. This is the first year since Natalie was born that we've gotten a real tree. It was really cold out, but we had the kids bundled up good, and everyone had a really good time. Natalie liked stomping through the snow. For the first day and a half, Ethan had to be watched closely because he kept wanting to pull the tree down by grabbing onto the garland, but for the last day or so he's been good at leaving it alone and just looking at it. Every now and then he goes over there and starts to reach for an ornament, and then he remembers, and does the "no touch" sign instead. (Shaking his finger back and forth.) He's a smart boy!

December 8, 2005
I'm particularly prolific this month. There's just more to say, so I can't stop writing.

Yesterday I made the decision to stop the hormones. I don't know if the result will be more of what I was going through before, but at this point I think that even periods every 2 weeks are preferable to what I've been going through since I've been on the hormones for 6 weeks. I've had almost constant nausea and headaches the whole time. Sometimes the headaches are the "so painful I want to rip my head off my neck" kind, and other times it's just the "only bad enough to make it hard to do anything else" kind. It fluctuated between the two extremes, but even the lesser kind is something I can't live with when it never ends. I gave it the whole cycle last month, and then two weeks this cycle, hoping that my body would eventually adjust, but over the last two weeks everything just kept getting worse. Not only the headaches and nausea, but I've been starting to notice all of the other side effects that I experienced last time I was on birth control pills. Those weren't subsiding at all; they just kept getting worse. There's lots of things, but it comes down to just not feeling at all like myself. The only side effect I didn't experience this time was weight gain - I've actually been losing weight lately - but it probably would have eventually headed that way because I feel like I've been in a constant state of PMS, and craving food that is bad for me pretty much constantly.  So, yesterday I made the decision that it just isn't working for me. I've been using the NuvaRing, which is the lowest possible dosage of hormones available, and it was a continual-release too, so I wasn't supposed to cause side effects as much. My body apparently is just really sensitive to artificial hormones. When I took it out last month to have my "off week", I could feel a difference in the way I felt within 5 minutes of having it out. Then two weeks ago when I put the new one in, it was strange: within 5 minutes I was feeling shaky and headachy again. Just that fast. When I took it out yesterday, I could tell again right away. My headache still persists today, but hopefully that will go away soon. I might have some sudden PMS within the next couple days, even though I'm only mid-cycle, but if it happens at least I know it will go away!

The only other options they gave me were the non-hormonal IUD (which I won't use because it doesn't actually prevent conception and therefore is NOT a "contraceptive"), and besides, I wasn't looking for this as a method of birth control anyway, I was using it as an effort to try to fix whatever is going on with me. Therefore, hormones. The other option was the progesterone-only shot, which MAY not give me the side effects as much because it doesn't contain estrogen, but I didn't want to try it, for two reasons. First, it is proven to reduce bone mass, and therefore is not recommended for people with a lot of osteoporosis in their family, and second, it's a three-month shot, so even if it effected me badly I'd still be stuck with it for three months. No thanks, not with how I've proven to be sensitive to even the lowest possible dosage of the combination hormone!

So, now I'll just wait to see what happens. I was on the hormones just long enough for Ethan to be forcibly weaned because my milk dried up, but not long enough for anything to have probably changed with my problems. But maybe the cysts will spontaneously go away and I'll suddenly be regular, and the lining of my uterus will go down on it's own... well, it can happen. If God wants to heal me of these problems, then I know he can. And if not, well, I can't go through the next twenty years of having a 10 day period every two weeks either, so if it ends up going to surgery, I'm okay with that too. That's the one thing the last six weeks have done for me -- I've come to the point that whatever happens, it is okay with me. Even if I lose my fertility, it's not my life, it's just my fertility. I have two wonderful (most of the time), adorable (usually) kids, a boy and a girl. Even though having sisters is all I know, Natalie doesn't need to have a sister for me to feel like my family is complete (there's no guarantee that even if we did have more kids that there would be another girl anyway)! I'm just hoping for the best, but open to whatever I have to do in the future. In the meantime, at least I can start to feel like I'm myself again. I have another appointment set for January, so we'll know by then how things are, going "au naturel" once more.

Switching gears totally, Ethan is so cute with his "toot toot" pajamas. The other night I was doing laundry and I had thought that I left the pajamas in the load that was left in the washing machine. I had actually washed the PJ's earlier, but I had forgotten that they weren't in the washer. So when it was bedtime, we put his warm, cozy footy pajamas on him. Hoping he wouldn't notice. As soon as we had it zipped up, he started pulling at the fabric on his chest and whining, "toot toooot....toot tooooot...." And of course he had that most pathetic look on his face too. That's when we remembered that they were actually clean and upstairs. I went upstairs to get them and Ethan started howling. (Now, not only was he not in his favorite pajamas, but Mama was disappearing too! NOOOOOoooo!") As I came down the stairs, I held his pajama shirt out to him so that he could see it right away, and the tears suddenly stopped. Once we got them on him, he returned to pointing at his chest and saying "toot toot", this time happily. We really need to get a second set of these PJs...

Only one more quick thing I wanted to mention today. Both kids, ever since our Good Samaritan incident with the poor kitty last week, have been obsessed with cats again. Ethan sees kitties on TV or in his books and he says "meeee!" (Meow) Or he stands by the door where the kitty had been curled up for a week, and he points to the door mat and says "meee!" kind of sadly. Natalie was very matter-of-fact about taking the cat to the "kitty house" last week, but she's been making comments ever since then about how she misses her kitties. Last night she told us "I want another kitty someday. Maybe we can go get one at the grocery store!" Natalie thinks you can get everything at the grocery store. I told her that, yes, probably someday we will get a kitty again. Probably not nearly as soon as she thinks that "someday" is, though!

December 6, 2005
My nerves are about shot today. For multiple reasons; I'll start with the Ethan reason. Reasons, I mean. One, he figured out how to crawl under the gate to the stairs, when I have it just high enough for Natalie to slide under. He's obviously been watching her do it. Smart boy, but now he's over there throwing a fit because I lowered it. (I've liked to keep it just high enough so that I don't have to get Natalie up and over the gate every time she wants to go up or down, up or down, up or down the stairs.) How did I figure out that he had learned how to slide under? Just a few minutes ago I was at the computer and it suddenly got really quiet. Then I heard the familiar THUMP THUMP of Ethan beginning his ascent up the stairs. I quickly ran to go rescue him from what could have been disastrous. Then, a little while ago, he was climbing on a chair, and of course then standing up on it. (Now that he's walking, sitting on his bottom in a chair is not something he likes to do.) I must tell him at least 100 times per day, "Ethan, sit down on your bottom! You will fall!" Well, he falls a lot. This boy, I can bet, is going to be no stranger to bumps and bruises. This morning in dance class he was sitting just fine in one of the chairs and the next thing I knew, he was jumping off face first, like he was parachuting. With no parachute. Literally, just like that. He didn't fall, he just...belly flopped right off the chair. He landed face-first on the floor. Good thing there was a mat on the floor, but it still must have hurt because it's just one of those feet-wiping mats, not carpet or anything. About 30 minutes ago he was climbing up on my chair here in my office nook; even though I keep the chair pushed in he pulls it out because he loves to get up on the desk and play with the keyboard and mouse. He regularly falls off this chair because it's just a metal folding chair. He fell off once again today. I was just over in the living room, and had been there away from my office for less than 30 seconds, when I heard a BIG thump, then wailing. He somehow fell off the chair and under the counter, and now he's got a big bump above his left eye.  Now he's over here at my feet; I've been trying to hold him to see if he'll go down for a nap, but that's been almost unheard of ever since weaning. Unless we're in the car, and then he's right out every time. I'm about ready to go for another hour long drive right now...

The other reason I'm feeling frayed is Natalie. This started last Tuesday and Wednesday, but I just figured it was a fluke thing. I'm sure it's related to her still getting over mono, but I've got to figure out a way to get her over this. Last Tuesday she did fine in tumbling class, even after missing two weeks from mono, but then at tap, it was parent viewing week, and when all the parents came in at the end of class Natalie decided she didn't want to dance anymore. She clung to my legs and cried the whole time the girls were doing their routine. Miss Molly said she had been fine all through class, so I couldn't figure out what happened. She'd never had a shyness issue on parent viewing day before.  On Wednesday she didn't want to go to her Rainbows class at church, even though she REALLY loves her teacher, Miss Sylvia. She hasn't thrown a fit about going to her class ever since she was about two, when she suddenly decided it was much more fun than sitting in the grown-up church. On Wednesday I had to be in the nursery, and Natalie pitched a huge fit when I tried to take her to class. She insisted on staying with me in the baby room; "I want to stay here and be bored with you, Mama." (I guess she's picked up how I feel about nursery duty.) Well, since it was evening and she's been going to bed early lately, I let her stay with me "and be bored". At the end of class she saw that the other kids her age had decorated cookies, so she was upset that she didn't have any. I thought that might solve it. Nope. Sunday morning was horrible. When we tried to take Natalie to her class she threw another fit.

....ahhhh...Ethan just finally fell asleep here on the floor at my feet. I feel bad that he had to conk out that way, but obviously the boy was tired and he wouldn't relax at all in my arms...

...anyway...Natalie was so upset on Sunday morning that we told her she could stay with us in "big church" as long as she sat quietly and behaved. "Okay, I'll be-have," she said. She wasn't "being haive" at all. Finally we decided that was it, she HAD to go to her class. She threw herself on the ground, right there in the aisle at the front of the church (where we sit) and started throwing a class A temper tantrum. Like you would expect an 18 month old to throw. Phil scooped her up, put his hand over her mouth, and carried her out to the lobby and into the kids church area. He then took Ethan from my arms and took him to the nursery so that I could take care of Natalie. (Phil had to make sure he was back in right away because he was giving the announcements.) Of course Ethan is right in the midst of stranger anxiety so he started wailing right away. I had to let him cry though, because Natalie was a more pressing issue at the moment. I took her into the bathroom and we had a little "discussion", then I took her back to her class. I told the people teaching her class that day, "I'm so sorry, I apologize ahead of time because I know this is not going to be fun." Teachers for her age class aren't used to dealing with wailing children. I picked her up and attempted to put her over the half-door into the room, and she clung to my neck, screeching, like I was an evil mom abandoning her somewhere completely horrible. (This child LOVES kids church -- and oftentimes isn't even wanting to leave when I come back to pick her up after service!!) She continued to wail for the next 15 minutes. (I know because I hung around out by the lobby until she calmed down.) I secretly checked in on her a few times throughout service, mostly because I was going back and forth to the baby room, where Ethan was also unhappy about his abandonment. (The difference is that he is still a baby who has never yet liked to be left in nursery. Natalie had gotten over that two years ago.) Needless to say, I missed all of the church service, but I couldn't back down on Natalie. We won't let her act that way in church. When we went to pick her up, she was all smiles and she'd had lots of fun (once she stopped crying). This HAD to be the last episode, right? Wrong.

This morning at dance class (it's every Tuesday, and it's been going since September), Natalie did fine through tumbling class again, but 5 minutes into tap class Miss Molly brought Natalie out to me because Natalie had to go potty. I took her potty, and meanwhile Natalie told me that she didn't want to do tap anymore; now she wanted to do ballet. I told her she had to do tap at least this year, that next time maybe she could do ballet. Natalie said, "I'm just done with tap, Mama." I told her, "No, you're not. Grammy is paying lots of money for you to take tap and you can't quit. Besides, you're learning so much and doing such a good job at tap." As we left the bathroom and I started guiding her back to her class, she started throwing the fit again. She refused to go back to class, even though I told her she had to, that Miss Molly and all the other kids were waiting for her. Natalie told me "Other kids are just tapping too loud. It gives me a headache." I told her that she should tap really loud too, because it's fun. She would have none of it. She just stood out in the hallway and cried, just like she did on Sunday morning. I couldn't force her to go to dance class though; I can't send her in there to cry and make a scene and disturb all the other kids who are dancing. So I told her, "okay, if you really don't want to go back in there today you don't have to, but you have to bring Miss Molly back your hat, and you have to tell her that you don't want to dance anymore today." (They wear black top hats as part of their routine.) I opened the door for her and she took her hat off and gave it Miss Molly. She took time out of the class to come over and see what was the matter. I had to explain to her what happened and that I had no idea what was wrong.

...Ethan just woke up, now he's crying again. That was short...

I just don't understand what's going on with Natalie and why she's acting this way. I know she's still out of sorts from the mono. Last night she decided she was ready for bed at 6:30, and crawled under the gate and headed upstairs all on her own. She said she didn't even want good-night kisses. Phil and I just figured she was upstairs playing, but when he went up at 7 to check on her, she was asleep in her bed, covers on and tucked in. I just wish I knew what I could do to help her readjust to the normal activities that I know she loves to do. We are taking it really slow, I mean, I've been pretty much house-bound with her, not going out except when we have to, but we can't stay home all the time!

Man, I am WORDY this month already!

December 3, 2005
There is one thing that I forgot to mention yesterday. The whole time I was writing I was thinking, "there's something big I'm missing..." but then I wrote so much anyway I just figured I'd quit trying to remember. It came to me this afternoon: Ethan has gotten two molars! His first molar, on the lower right side, popped through the day before Thanksgiving. The second molar, on the top left side, popped out last weekend. The first one looked really yucky for a long time, and for a few days even had a piece of purply skin hanging off to the side where the tooth was pushing through, but it seemed he hardly noticed. Same with the second tooth -- I just happened to notice that it was there. No tears, no trauma. With how yucky his gums looked on that first molar, I would have thought he would be throwing fits, but he didn't seem to notice. I don't know if it's a high pain tolerance, but that would be nice. But he's got his first big teeth now!

I got both kids' haircuts yesterday. Natalie's is just cut short, into a bob, again. It's really cute. She likes it short, so that she can see her ears. It's also much easier to keep under control since she has little curls in her hair. It's very, very pretty hair; she'll hopefully love it someday, but right now it just never stays in control when it's too long. They cut Ethan's hair using the electric trimmers this time. All his little curls in the back are gone too, and he's got such a big boy haircut now! It's a little shorter on the top this time, too, so you can actually tell he had a hair cut this time. For his first hair cut, he was moving around and screaming so much that she barely got the back trimmed up above his neck (that's where most of his hair was last time) but this time he sat there very still and happily the whole time. Maybe seeing his sister go first this time helped that. (I've posted a couple pictures of Ethan down in the picture of the day.)

December 2, 2005
December already!

Natalie is getting better. She's not contagious anymore, so at least we've been able to get out and about, since Thanksgiving. Her fever finally went away a couple days before that, and her doctor had said that after 24 hours of no fever, she wasn't contagious anymore. She's still not 100% though. She's far from it. She gets very tired very quickly. She'll be acting just fine, and then the next moment she's either dropped off to sleep or she's really acting like she needs to. And she's starting to eat again, which is good to see. She was getting so skinny! She lost about three pounds in the whole ordeal, which is a lot for her. The one good thing that has come of this, which is odd to even say given how sick she was, is that it seems to have stopped the cycle of negativity between the two of us... She's not acting out or trying her best to irritate me lately. Of course, she still misbehaves, but not nearly at the level at which it was previously. I'm sure all the forced sit on the couch and cuddle time has helped with that. Unfortunately she's also fallen back into the habit of coming into our bed sometime in the night. I don't mind, and I like cuddling with her (especially when she wasn't feeling well) but I know it's just a habit now -- she wakes up to go potty, then comes right over to my bedside. Usually it's just sometime in the morning, which is fine with me, but when it's the middle of the night I'm trying to encourage her to head back to her room. Especially when Ethan has not wanted to go to sleep in his bed (has been happening pretty frequently lately  -- ever since nursing is now completely over, getting him to go to sleep at night has been really difficult). There have been many mornings lately where I feel like we're the family in Cheaper By the Dozen -- I have a kid under each arm. (Speaking of Ethan and being weaned, it's now been about a full week since he's nursed at all. The only time he still desperately asks for it is at bedtime. He gives me that "pathetisad" look and holds the blue pillow up to me. I wonder how much longer it's going to take before he realizes there really isn't anything I can do about it!)

Thanksgiving weekend was very busy for us. My sisters and I made the dinner, and it turned out very good. If you want to read all about everything we ate, Nan wrote a good description of it on her website (her new website - go see it if you haven't yet!) so I won't repeat everything here. We did have a couple grand experiments this time -- we figured, we're cooking it, we can do it a different way! -- such as, Phil really has been wanting to try a fried turkey for several years, so we did it. We got a big turkey fryer and he and Bruce and Brett went at it. (Outdoor cooking, a kerosene tank -- that had to be given to the guys to do.) The only minor problem we had with it was that Phil didn't know to put the thermometer in the dark meat area, so when he tested it in the breast and it was the perfect temperature, the legs we're yet quite done. So while the white meat was being carved up I just zapped the legs in the microwave for a few minutes. It all turned out just fine, and very yummy. Not even the white meat was dry! The other thing I brought with me was a chocolate fountain. I didn't get any at Nan's wedding because I was feeling so sick that night.  (How very sad! Flowing white chocolate and I couldn't even stand to look at it!) So when I saw some mini fountains advertised the week before Thanksgiving, I decided I wanted to splurge. It's just a little one, big enough for a small get-together or perfect for a family. I got Ghiradelli milk chocolate for it, and for dipping I got bananas, strawberries, cake, marshmallows, pretzels, and pineapple. It was very yummy! I had a wedding last weekend (went very well by the way, hardly a single snag), and they had a big huge chocolate fountain at it. (It was a big huge wedding, too, held at a very expensive reception place.) Since I had just had my own chocolate fountain two days before, I didn't even hardly pine over the wedding one at all - I had my own now!  

Ethan is now walking so very well. I guess he just decided that once he was ready to walk, he just went right for it. He had a few days of falling down, half walking/half crawling, and walking very stiff-legged, but by early this week he was already walking with bent knees. He is walking all over the place now, and he's hardly ever on his hands and knees.  We went to COSI on Wednesday, and the boy just walked all over the place. It's like he's been walking for months!

There's one very cute thing that I wanted to make sure got noted down in this journal. The boy has developed a fixation with his Wiggles PJs. He only wants to wear those, no other pajamas.  When we get ready for PJ time, he starts saying "TOOT TOOT! TOOT TOOT!" I can hardly get them off of him in the morning to get him dressed; he still carries them around until I throw them over the gate where he can't reach them. Last night I went shopping at Wal-Mart and tried to find some more Wiggles pajamas, but the only boy ones they had were Superman, or Batman, or generic trucks or bugs. We need to find him some more Wiggles ones; I don't think any other will be allowed. When I did laundry this week I made sure to get the PJs washed in a load I made sure to finish by the end of the night, because I knew he'd be asking for them again that night.

We went to go see Santa on Monday night. Phil was working late and I just decided to go over to Eastland with the kids. I didn't even think he would be there because we'd tried to go on Sunday night but Santa was already gone, so I figured he wouldn't be there late Monday night either. I didn't bring my camera with me since I didn't figure they would meet Santa. (I don't want to pay $13 for one 5x7 -- so I just bring my own camera...) Well, he was there, and of course Natalie wanted to go see him. This is really the first year that she's really into Christmas - it's so much fun!  Well, Natalie didn't act shy at ALL. She walked right up to him, and told him, "I want a Dora present, Santa Claus." She told him that Ethan wanted something that he wouldn't choke on. She was very matter-of-fact about the whole visit. This was important stuff, apparently! Ethan didn't quite know what to think, but he liked the little toy he was given as we left! We're going to go back for a second visit so that I can bring my camera. And Natalie has told me she needs to tell Santa that she wants a Dora video game. She's getting more specific.

It's 2:00 so I am going to get ready to go. I have to go to the Humane Society today; a place I didn't ever really want to go back to. A little cat showed up on our doorstep several days ago, and he doesn't want to leave. It looks like he's abandoned, not a stray, because he's really friendly and loves people, and he looks like he's pretty healthy. For a few days we just figured someone was being irresponsible and letting him roam, but lately he hasn't left our doorstep at all, even at night. Yesterday we finally decided it was time to give the poor thing some food (we really hadn't been trying to encourage him to stay -- if he belonged to someone, I didn't want to feed him to keep him here!) and we gave him two cans of tuna. He ate it right up like he hadn't eaten in days. Late last night I was feeling so bad for the poor thing because it was so cold and windy out. I took one of my porch chairs, put it right up against the corner of the door and the house, where the kitty has been curled up most of the time, and I put an extra heavy coat of mine over the chair to make a little shelter for him. He stayed in there all night and morning. So, today I'm going to try to get him to go into a box and take him over to "our other kitty's house" (Natalie's words). I tried Cat Welfare, which is a no-kill place, but they aren't accepting any new cats right now. I just am not looking forward to going over there, because of bad memories. There's no other choice though. He stands a better chance there than out in this weather. I think I'll be able to get him in the van with me, he is a very friendly cat and has stretched up for me to pick him up several times. I just don't know how I'm going to carry in the cat AND Ethan!