February7

February 7, 2002

UPDATE #2 - I spent six hours today in what has become my home away from home, Triage # 1 at St. Ann's. I went in today to get tested for hypertension and then a ferning test to see if my water had broken. Both tests came back negative, so they were about to discharge me when they noticed that my contractions were coming about every 3 to 5 minutes apart. She checked my cervix and I had dilated to about 4 cm, from 3 cm which is what I was when she checked me when I first came in. They had me walk around the hospital for an hour to see if it would progress. The contractions got a lot stronger (I'm starting to use my lamaze breathing already) but when she checked me again, there was no change in dilation. After resting for about a half hour, we took another hour walk around the building. This time I could really tell the contractions were getting stronger and harder, every few minutes I had to stop walking to lean against a rail or against Phil and just breathe. When the nurse checked me again, I was between 4 and 5, probably about 5. Still not enough change. After talking with Dr. Teague, they decided to send me home for the night with a sleeping pill. She said she could induce me now but it would require pitocin to get labor really started and she's hoping to avoid that to see if I progress anymore without it. She wanted me to get some food in my system (I hadn't eaten since 7 this morning because all I was allowed to have in the hospital were ice chips) and hopefully get a good 8 hours of sleep. I'm going to be calling my doctor again in the morning or sooner if the contractions get even stronger. It was sort of funny, when the nurse was going through the discharge paper, she said to call if my contractions were about 3-5 minutes apart (check, we've got that down to about 2 minutes) lasting about 60 seconds (check) for an hour or more (check, how about 6 hours?) The key difference for me will just be "getting stronger" though at this point. That or if my water breaks overnight. Either way, this baby is coming soon, I'm not going to be walking around between 4 and 5 cm dilated. Phil and I just got back from a good hearty dinner, and now I'm going to take my sleeping pill and hope to get some sleep tonight. That would be a good thing, since with the pain I've been having I haven't slept in about three days. I just hope that tomorrow if I go in it will be almost as empty in L&D as it was today; I would have been able to get right into either the jacuzzi tub room or the shower/bathtub room. Oh well. It just looks like my body wants to progress REALLY slowly. (Maybe that's why this started four weeks ago...)

*QUICK UPDATE* I just talked to my doctor's office and they are having me go get checked out at Labor and Delivery again, because of one, the "pop" thing that happened yesterday, and second, because last night I swelled up even more, so much so that I couldn't close my fingers last night and today I could hardly even get my slippers on my feet. They are going to run a test to see if my water has basically sprung a small leak and check out my blood pressure too for the swelling. The nurse said you can even develop hypertension during labor alone, I thought that was something you didn't have to worry much about by this point. So, I'm off to go get checked out now.

February 6, 2002

I think Wednesdays are particularly tough on me, for whatever reason. I don't know what it is about the weekly anniversary of the day I went into preterm labor!! Last night I was once again up most of the night with contractions, and when I did sleep I didn't sleep very soundly. It took me forever to fall asleep the first time last night too. I got up this morning and it's pretty much been the same thing all day. I've just been feeling pretty strange in lots of ways. The pressure seems to have increased even more down low, and then this afternoon a really strange thing happened (and I have no idea if it's related to anything or not, I've never heard of it before): I heard -and felt- a "pop" around my cervix during one of my many trips to the bathroom. It didn't hurt but I could definitely feel it. I don't know if it means anything or not though, I've just now gotten myself used to the idea that it could be either be tonight or it could be three weeks from now, there's no way to know. I've never heard of such a thing happening before, but if there's one thing I've learned in the last four weeks is that I know NOTHING, and just when you think you are starting to get it figured out, you find out you don't. But I do hope that maybe it was my cervix changing some more? Maybe the "pop" was a big, sudden change. If Natalie doesn't come before next Monday's appointment, I guess we'll see then if any progress has been made. Yesterday I was still having contractions but they didn't seem very persistent, or painful for that matter, so I got to thinking a little more positively about the whole "I can wait until she's ready" thing. Plus it helped that I gave up on trying to squeeze my sausage toes and swollen ankles into shoes, and I wore my house slippers all day. I didn't care, I figured it was either the slippers or going barefoot or not coming into work! The only time I wore shoes was when I was driving to and from work, and then I wore Sarah's size 11 tennis shoes (which fit comfortably in the length but are still uncomfortable in the width). I think just wearing more comfortable shoes put me in a better frame of mind than I was on Monday. (Though just about any frame of mind is more positive than I was feeling on Monday!!)

In the meantime while waiting, I'm trying to stand and walk as much as possible (ouch ouch ouch). Last night Phil and I went over to April's house to meet Addie. I'm hoping maybe Natalie heard the baby and that encouraged her to get out so the two of them can start playing together! Addie is a real cutie, and she now weighs 6 pounds 14 ounces, which is what I weighed when I was born. So it was kind of neat being able to feel what I weighed at birth! As we were watching her sleep at one point, Phil and I were saying that we just can't believe that even though she's so small, THAT fit inside of a person. It made me really think about how squashed up all my organs must really be, especially if Dr. Teague is right about Natalie weighing about 6 and a half to 7 pounds already! I don't think I look big enough to have that much baby inside of me!

One more thing I wanted to note, after going through my list of things I really wanted last week, and one of them was a cherry coke, I just couldn't get it out of my mind, and now I've really fallen off the wagon. It started Friday night when Phil and I went to a movie. Instead of a prudent caffeine-free choice (like, for instance, an Icee - haha), I decided I just couldn't pass up a cherry coke any longer. So I got one. And then it was downhill from there. Sunday after church we went out to lunch with some people and yep, I got a cherry coke with lunch (but I did order a water along with it and tried to drink them equally!). But then that's not all. I've gotten a cherry coke out of the free pop machine at work already twice this week. It's sad, really. I've gone this whole time without drinking caffeine at all, and here I am, now at the very end, throwing caution to the wind. Must mean I'm a bad mom already. :-)

February 4, 2002

Warning, major gripe session ahead. If you only like to read the happy, bouncy, nothing but sunshine and rainbows journal entries, go ahead and stop reading now.

You can't say you haven't been warned.

Apparently we were able to do a GREAT job at stopping the early labor with the Terbutaline/Brethine, because now it looks like there's no end in sight. Right now I'm feeling like I will probably be pregnant for another six months. Or at least six weeks; Puxatawny Phil did see his shadow on Saturday after all, doesn't that mean six more weeks of something? Goodness I hope not. The contractions have not let up; I think I could handle being pregnant for a little longer if it wasn't for the fact that I'm still having contractions all of the time, and there have been lots of times where they have been the really painful kind too. This morning Dr. Teague just looked at me and said "you're just one of those rare people who have a prolonged labor." Yep, great. I wouldn't be so frustrated if what I've been experiencing are just strong braxton-hicks, but it's been really painful kinds that radiate through my back and into my upper abdomen, and it hurts to even stand up sometimes. And yet they aren't causing any more change to my cervix. When she checked me this morning there wasn't any change from last Tuesday, which itself was not that different than what it was on January 9th. I'm just so tired of this. I'm tired of being on pins and needles with every single contraction; I'm afraid when it really does happen I won't know it because I don't even want to track contractions anymore. I'm tired of feeling stretching and pulling down there constantly, knowing its not doing anything though, and what feels like something leaking, and I go to the bathroom and it's nothing. And I'm tired of being tired, not only just not sleeping in general but then waking up in the middle of the night with suddenly hard and painful contractions. The one good piece of news I got this morning is that by using measurements (fundal size and baby's head size) the baby is now probably between 6 ½ and 7 pounds. I'm glad she's still growing well, especially since her movements have really dramatically slowed down (getting tight in there I guess) and it means she will probably be a good healthy size, but if I really do end up going to term or later, she could end up being really big. (And most of the baby clothes I have are size 0-3, since we all thought she would be here small and early - so now I'm also hoping she'll at least fit into them for a little while!)

Last night one of my friends said something about how I shouldn't complain, I'm really not even due for another three weeks (18 days according to my pregnancy calendar) but it's just that I've been mentally preparing for this now since almost the beginning of January, and now that I would be allowed to progress, all of a sudden I don't. She's right, I really shouldn't complain because I know it's all for the best, but instead of being 18 days from my due date I feel like I've been overdue by at least a week. On the BabyZone message board that I write on sometimes, it just seems really disheartening when I read the birth stories of ladies who go into the hospital at less than 1-2 cm dilated and not even as effaced as I am, and not having experienced any contractions, yet their water suddenly and surprisingly breaks and they go into labor. I've been walking around for 3 and a half weeks feeling like this baby is going to fall right out and still nothing changes. I know, "everyone is different" and I shouldn't compare experiences but it's just getting more and more frustrating. Dr. Teague said that in a couple weeks they might consider scheduling an induction, but only if it looks like my body is still progressing, if I've dilated any more than I am now. Who would have thought it, three weeks ago, that there would be any talk of induction at all? That was the one thing I was actually looking forward to with having early labor, the thought of maybe actually going into labor quickly and on my own.

And I'm really, really, really, really sick of people at work having nothing else to say to me other than "you're still here?"

I'm trying to keep the mindset that it's all in God's timing, just like getting pregnant in the first place was; I'll know I'll see six months or a year from now what good came out of this, but as of right now it's just getting so frustrating. Plus nothing fits me, even my biggest clothes are stretched so tight. You know it's gotten bad when your feet are too swollen to fit in your two-sizes larger than pre-pregnancy shoes unless you wear them without socks!!!! They may be cold today but at least I got my shoes on my sausagey-looking feet!

I think the pregnancy BLAHS have officially set in. :-)



	February 7, 2002 UPDATE #2 - I spent six hours today in what has become my home away from home, Triage # 1 at St. Ann's. I went in today to get tested for hypertension and then a ferning test to see if my water had broken. Both tests came back negative, so they were about to discharge me when they noticed that my contractions were coming about every 3 to 5 minutes apart. She checked my cervix and I had dilated to about 4 cm, from 3 cm which is what I was when she checked me when I first came in. They had me walk around the hospital for an hour to see if it would progress. The contractions got a lot stronger (I'm starting to use my lamaze breathing already) but when she checked me again, there was no change in dilation. After resting for about a half hour, we took another hour walk around the building. This time I could really tell the contractions were getting stronger and harder, every few minutes I had to stop walking to lean against a rail or against Phil and just breathe. When the nurse checked me again, I was between 4 and 5, probably about 5. Still not enough change. After talking with Dr. Teague, they decided to send me home for the night with a sleeping pill. She said she could induce me now but it would require pitocin to get labor really started and she's hoping to avoid that to see if I progress anymore without it. She wanted me to get some food in my system (I hadn't eaten since 7 this morning because all I was allowed to have in the hospital were ice chips) and hopefully get a good 8 hours of sleep. I'm going to be calling my doctor again in the morning or sooner if the contractions get even stronger. It was sort of funny, when the nurse was going through the discharge paper, she said to call if my contractions were about 3-5 minutes apart (check, we've got that down to about 2 minutes) lasting about 60 seconds (check) for an hour or more (check, how about 6 hours?) The key difference for me will just be "getting stronger" though at this point. That or if my water breaks overnight. Either way, this baby is coming soon, I'm not going to be walking around between 4 and 5 cm dilated. Phil and I just got back from a good hearty dinner, and now I'm going to take my sleeping pill and hope to get some sleep tonight. That would be a good thing, since with the pain I've been having I haven't slept in about three days. I just hope that tomorrow if I go in it will be almost as empty in L&D as it was today; I would have been able to get right into either the jacuzzi tub room or the shower/bathtub room. Oh well. It just looks like my body wants to progress REALLY slowly. (Maybe that's why this started four weeks ago...) QUICK UPDATE I just talked to my doctor's office and they are having me go get checked out at Labor and Delivery again, because of one, the "pop" thing that happened yesterday, and second, because last night I swelled up even more, so much so that I couldn't close my fingers last night and today I could hardly even get my slippers on my feet. They are going to run a test to see if my water has basically sprung a small leak and check out my blood pressure too for the swelling. The nurse said you can even develop hypertension during labor alone, I thought that was something you didn't have to worry much about by this point. So, I'm off to go get checked out now. February 6, 2002 I think Wednesdays are particularly tough on me, for whatever reason. I don't know what it is about the weekly anniversary of the day I went into preterm labor!! Last night I was once again up most of the night with contractions, and when I did sleep I didn't sleep very soundly. It took me forever to fall asleep the first time last night too. I got up this morning and it's pretty much been the same thing all day. I've just been feeling pretty strange in lots of ways. The pressure seems to have increased even more down low, and then this afternoon a really strange thing happened (and I have no idea if it's related to anything or not, I've never heard of it before): I heard -and felt- a "pop" around my cervix during one of my many trips to the bathroom. It didn't hurt but I could definitely feel it. I don't know if it means anything or not though, I've just now gotten myself used to the idea that it could be either be tonight or it could be three weeks from now, there's no way to know. I've never heard of such a thing happening before, but if there's one thing I've learned in the last four weeks is that I know NOTHING, and just when you think you are starting to get it figured out, you find out you don't. But I do hope that maybe it was my cervix changing some more? Maybe the "pop" was a big, sudden change. If Natalie doesn't come before next Monday's appointment, I guess we'll see then if any progress has been made. Yesterday I was still having contractions but they didn't seem very persistent, or painful for that matter, so I got to thinking a little more positively about the whole "I can wait until she's ready" thing. Plus it helped that I gave up on trying to squeeze my sausage toes and swollen ankles into shoes, and I wore my house slippers all day. I didn't care, I figured it was either the slippers or going barefoot or not coming into work! The only time I wore shoes was when I was driving to and from work, and then I wore Sarah's size 11 tennis shoes (which fit comfortably in the length but are still uncomfortable in the width). I think just wearing more comfortable shoes put me in a better frame of mind than I was on Monday. (Though just about any frame of mind is more positive than I was feeling on Monday!!) In the meantime while waiting, I'm trying to stand and walk as much as possible (ouch ouch ouch). Last night Phil and I went over to April's house to meet Addie. I'm hoping maybe Natalie heard the baby and that encouraged her to get out so the two of them can start playing together! Addie is a real cutie, and she now weighs 6 pounds 14 ounces, which is what I weighed when I was born. So it was kind of neat being able to feel what I weighed at birth! As we were watching her sleep at one point, Phil and I were saying that we just can't believe that even though she's so small, THAT fit inside of a person. It made me really think about how squashed up all my organs must really be, especially if Dr. Teague is right about Natalie weighing about 6 and a half to 7 pounds already! I don't think I look big enough to have that much baby inside of me! One more thing I wanted to note, after going through my list of things I really wanted last week, and one of them was a cherry coke, I just couldn't get it out of my mind, and now I've really fallen off the wagon. It started Friday night when Phil and I went to a movie. Instead of a prudent caffeine-free choice (like, for instance, an Icee - haha), I decided I just couldn't pass up a cherry coke any longer. So I got one. And then it was downhill from there. Sunday after church we went out to lunch with some people and yep, I got a cherry coke with lunch (but I did order a water along with it and tried to drink them equally!). But then that's not all. I've gotten a cherry coke out of the free pop machine at work already twice this week. It's sad, really. I've gone this whole time without drinking caffeine at all, and here I am, now at the very end, throwing caution to the wind. Must mean I'm a bad mom already. :-) February 4, 2002 Warning, major gripe session ahead. If you only like to read the happy, bouncy, nothing but sunshine and rainbows journal entries, go ahead and stop reading now. You can't say you haven't been warned. Apparently we were able to do a GREAT job at stopping the early labor with the Terbutaline/Brethine, because now it looks like there's no end in sight. Right now I'm feeling like I will probably be pregnant for another six months. Or at least six weeks; Puxatawny Phil did see his shadow on Saturday after all, doesn't that mean six more weeks of something? Goodness I hope not. The contractions have not let up; I think I could handle being pregnant for a little longer if it wasn't for the fact that I'm still having contractions all of the time, and there have been lots of times where they have been the really painful kind too. This morning Dr. Teague just looked at me and said "you're just one of those rare people who have a prolonged labor." Yep, great. I wouldn't be so frustrated if what I've been experiencing are just strong braxton-hicks, but it's been really painful kinds that radiate through my back and into my upper abdomen, and it hurts to even stand up sometimes. And yet they aren't causing any more change to my cervix. When she checked me this morning there wasn't any change from last Tuesday, which itself was not that different than what it was on January 9th. I'm just so tired of this. I'm tired of being on pins and needles with every single contraction; I'm afraid when it really does happen I won't know it because I don't even want to track contractions anymore. I'm tired of feeling stretching and pulling down there constantly, knowing its not doing anything though, and what feels like something leaking, and I go to the bathroom and it's nothing. And I'm tired of being tired, not only just not sleeping in general but then waking up in the middle of the night with suddenly hard and painful contractions. The one good piece of news I got this morning is that by using measurements (fundal size and baby's head size) the baby is now probably between 6 ½ and 7 pounds. I'm glad she's still growing well, especially since her movements have really dramatically slowed down (getting tight in there I guess) and it means she will probably be a good healthy size, but if I really do end up going to term or later, she could end up being really big. (And most of the baby clothes I have are size 0-3, since we all thought she would be here small and early - so now I'm also hoping she'll at least fit into them for a little while!) Last night one of my friends said something about how I shouldn't complain, I'm really not even due for another three weeks (18 days according to my pregnancy calendar) but it's just that I've been mentally preparing for this now since almost the beginning of January, and now that I would be allowed to progress, all of a sudden I don't. She's right, I really shouldn't complain because I know it's all for the best, but instead of being 18 days from my due date I feel like I've been overdue by at least a week. On the BabyZone message board that I write on sometimes, it just seems really disheartening when I read the birth stories of ladies who go into the hospital at less than 1-2 cm dilated and not even as effaced as I am, and not having experienced any contractions, yet their water suddenly and surprisingly breaks and they go into labor. I've been walking around for 3 and a half weeks feeling like this baby is going to fall right out and still nothing changes. I know, "everyone is different" and I shouldn't compare experiences but it's just getting more and more frustrating. Dr. Teague said that in a couple weeks they might consider scheduling an induction, but only if it looks like my body is still progressing, if I've dilated any more than I am now. Who would have thought it, three weeks ago, that there would be any talk of induction at all? That was the one thing I was actually looking forward to with having early labor, the thought of maybe actually going into labor quickly and on my own. And I'm really, really, really, really sick of people at work having nothing else to say to me other than "you're still here?" I'm trying to keep the mindset that it's all in God's timing, just like getting pregnant in the first place was; I'll know I'll see six months or a year from now what good came out of this, but as of right now it's just getting so frustrating. Plus nothing fits me, even my biggest clothes are stretched so tight. You know it's gotten bad when your feet are too swollen to fit in your two-sizes larger than pre-pregnancy shoes unless you wear them without socks!!!! They may be cold today but at least I got my shoes on my sausagey-looking feet! I think the pregnancy BLAHS have officially set in. :-)