January 31, 2005  
A bit more potty talk today.

We think we can now say, proudly and with great excitement, that Natalie is potty trained! (At least, for the peeing part; she's still had daily poop accidents, routinely, right around noon, give or take an hour each way.) She is doing SO good. She has even stayed dry at nights. Last night she wore her big girl panties to bed, too, because for the last several nights, all through Potty Boot Camp, we've been putting her pull-ups back on her for bedtime. But after several dry nights, last night Phil asked her if she wanted pull-ups or panties for bed, and she picked the latter, so we went for it. And she woke dry this morning. For the second day in a row now, she's reacted with frustration in her voice when we suggested she go potty right after getting up. "Nooooo!!!" she yelled. Both mornings, within 15 minutes she's decided on her own that she needs to go, so she's gone in, pulled down her pants, and gone - no help from us at all! She's been doing so good. We still ask her if she has to go about every hour, but most of the time she either tells us she has to go potty, then she just gets up and goes, or she just goes without making any announcement (something I still find hard to do) and suddenly I hear tinkling and then "I go peepee Mama!" 

Our scariest part so far was on Friday night when we went out for dinner for the evening, sans Natalie diaper. I got out the old double-wide, way-too-big-to-usually-be-practical diaper bag, and stuffed it with all of Ethan's stuff, then for Natalie an extra pull-up, just in case, a change of pants, two panties, and her pop-in potty seat. (She still is very uncomfortable on full-size potties, I found yesterday at church, so that will be toted around with us for a little while longer.) She hasn't had an accident out of the house yet, so I'm feeling a lot more confident about that. After church yesterday we went out to Olive Garden for lunch, and she told me she had to go -- in plenty of time to get up, make our way to the restrooms, and get up on the seat (her potty insert) to go. I couldn't possibly have felt more proud of my little girl after that. It takes a lot to recognize you have to go, then hold it in to get all that way! It's still so hard to believe that this is it - so easily! Natalie just does things in her own good timing, obviously, just like weaning. When she decided it was time, poof, it was done! Now to just get the really yucky ones to go in the right place, too...

Ethan has his first painful diaper rash right now, the poor little guy. When I was changing him a bit ago, I noticed a lot of redness, but I had to wipe him up. As I did, he started wincing, pulling away, then crying. It must really hurt, and it's harder to gently wipe in one quick, fluid motion with little boys.

Speaking of which, I had to give my first lesson in sex ed during that same diaper change. Natalie was watching me clean Ethan up, as usual (she likes to help me by getting diapers or wipes). For the first time, she pointed to his bottom and said "what's that, Mama?" I thought (wishful thinking) she might be referring to his red bottom, since I had just been saying "poor boy, your bottom is hurting!" to Ethan, so I said to her "it's diaper rash." She said, "huh-uh. What's that?" and pointed more directly to his privates. I told her matter-of-factly, "it's his penis, honey. He's a boy." Natalie said "I don't have that." I told her, "you're right honey, that's because you're a girl, like mama. That's what boys use to go peepee." She seemed happy with that answer, so, end of story. One more reminder that my baby is growing up!

The jury is still out on the effectiveness of my oh-so-difficult dairy fast. I'm going to continue a few more days because I'm supposed to give it a good week, but so far I'm not seeing much difference. After the next few days, unless I see a marked difference, I'm going to go back to eating my normal milk-heavy diet, to see if things get worse. Maybe Ethan's got diaper rash now because I've removed so much dairy from my diet that the acids are taking over the bases in my milk! Hmm...or could it be the garlic crouton and bite of potatoes we let him munch on yesterday at the Olive Garden...the little guy was just looking so pathetically at my every bite and spoon movement...

January 28, 2005  
Ethan's been sleeping a little better the past few days. If you consider only sleeping for little more than an hour at a time "better", but at least he hasn't been screeching at the top of his lungs every night for the last few days. The "cold" still hasn't developed, so I'm doubting that even more. I think I'm going to attempt a dairy-fast, to see if that actually is the cause. It's going to be hard, though. I eat a lot of dairy, and I just love a tall glass of cold milk (Reiters or Smiths only, though -- we're milk snobs around here). If Ethan is perpetually sick because of my love of milk, though, I can go without it for awhile. The way he's taken to solids, I am doubting he will be nursing at 21 months like Natalie. I'm not going to wean him, but it just seems like he doesn't get into nursing quite as much as the little bean, so I'm just guessing he won't go as long. When he nurses, he's all business -- usually he doesn't nurse for more than 10 minutes at a time. He does want to nurse more frequently, but I don't mind because I know it won't take but just a few minutes. Natalie would regularly nurse for 30 minutes to a hour, and even then she'd still continue to try to nurse in her sleep. Neither of my babies had/have much of a nursing schedule, but they are so opposite as to their own ways!

I was feeling particularly down the other day, and now I know that Ethan and lack of sleep weren't the only factors. I know they contributed, but also factoring in was a return of the estrogen and progesterone flux. My cycles have started again, and it came back with particular strength. I wasn't really prepared for this yet! I've had a couple "false starts" over the last month or so, but nothing so strong as to send my emotions reeling like they were early this week! Again with the nursing differences of my children, after I had Natalie my cycle didn't start back until about a week before her first birthday. So I REALLY wasn't ready for this. Even after Natalie started solids, at about the same age as Ethan, she still nursed on top of that just as much, with the long, drawn out nursing sessions. Ethan just gets what he needs and stops, so for whatever reason, my body seems to think that's the cue to get ready to try for another one! HA HA HA. Funny.

He is doing really good on solids. We added bananas this week, and he loves them. I'm now giving him about a quarter cup of rice cereal, mixed with water, for lunch, and about a half serving of bananas for dinner. He opens up his little birdy mouth wide and most of it even goes down his throat! Since I'm thinking he might have a milk sensitivity/allergy, I'm being extra careful about introducing one food at a time. I'll probably just do bananas again for another week before moving on to sweet potatoes or something.

And if all that wasn't enough excitement for one week, we are also now into Day 2 of Potty Boot Camp, round two. No pull-ups, just panties and either a skirt, easy-off pants, or, currently, no pants. She's doing much better this time; I think this time it might "take"! (Last time I gave up after three days of just as many accidents as successes.) Yesterday she had two pee accidents and one BM in her pants, but she went pee in the potty enough to earn a pack of "M's" -- ten potty stars. She just now earned her tenth star (and more M's) a few minutes ago, with only one pee accident so far today! She doesn't quite get the idea that poop needs to go there too, I don't think, at least she doesn't get that it's supposed to get there the same way as pee and not just because that's where I dump it from her pants. She tells me "poop belongs in the potty" and "it's too late" every time she has just gone. It's frustrating, but I'm trying to encourage her without getting negative. I just clean her up, remind her where her poop SHOULD have gone ("in the potty, mama"), tell her that she needs to try to poop in the potty next time, then I sit her on the potty where she then pees and earns her star. I've now told her that she'll get TWO stars if she poops in the potty, but...all in good time I guess. The biggest indicator of success so far is that several times today, she's either told me when she has to go, or she's gone in herself and then, after I hear tinkling in the potty, she's called out "I went peepee mama!" 

Phil and I both just decided earlier this week, at about the same time, that we are really sick of buying diapers. I didn't think it would be such a big deal to have two in diapers at once, but it's a money drain for one, and also it feels like we're constantly running back to the store to get more, because they never seem to run out together. She's doing good so far this week, so I'm hopeful -- a lot more than last time, when I realized by the end of day 2 that she just wasn't ready. That was in November, I think. A lot can change in a few months at her age!

January 24, 2005  
Well, he's bigger than I thought. I took him to the doctor today and he weighed in at 21 pounds even. On Sunday at church, I thought he looked bigger than my friend's baby, who is 10 months, and I guess I was right.

I took him to see Dr. Kern today because he (therefore we) have had a very difficult few days. He's had just a little bit of eye goopy and what sounds like a little bit of stuffiness when he nurses or sucks his pacifier, but not enough to get out the humidifier. (He's also had mucusy poop, but I can't remember a time after the newborn stage when he didn't have that. I just figure that might be part of what I think could be a sensitivity to dairy-- he also seems more gassy when I drink lots of milk, and I've just been glad we never used formula because it would be much worse then.) The worst part has been that he's acting very unhappy most of the time, and particularly every evening. Right about when Natalie has gone to bed, when we're hoping for things to get quiet (for her) and calm (for us to relax), he's started in with the most pitiful crying. Nothing soothes him - not nursing, not pacifier, not Tylenol or teething gel or gas drops (we attempt all three), not playing on the floor or being cuddled. The only thing that has seemed to help at all is holding him and pacing the floor, so that's what I've been doing. I told Dr. Kern, it's almost as if he's developed colic, at 5 1/2 months instead of 6 weeks. Doctor Kern checked him for any ear, eye, or throat infections, and checked his lungs, and said he seems completely healthy. He said just probably another little cold - or more of the same that he's had since November. Great - yet another doctor's visit where I find out it's just a cold. Not that I want him to have something more serious, but he's been acting so out of sorts that I feel like I wish my concern was at least validated for some reason. I do hope that the reason he's acting so fussy is just that he has yet another cold coming on, but first of all, if that is the case, WHY has he had so many colds that it feels like it's been one big, never-ending one ever since November? Secondly, why does he scream so much lately, and then it gets so much worse in the evening hours? He's never acted quite this upset and fussy, even with every other cold that has come his way every couple weeks. I don't think I'm being a hypochondriac, with feeling in my gut that there's something else going on. Maybe there are just germs all around our house and I just need to start cleaning my house better. I'm just not convinced that this is just a run of the mill cold.

It's driving me crazy, because on top of this he's also not sleeping at night (like I wrote about last time), so we're both cranky, and Natalie has the ability to push all my buttons just when I feel least able to deal with it. I don't know if his sleeping (lack thereof) is caused by this new cold-or-whatever, or if he is just too big to be satisfied by what he's been getting fed, but I'm going to attempt to feed him some solids a little often, and we'll see if it gets worse or better. Dr. Kern said that since he's so big, it should be okay to start him on some more foods. I didn't want to start him on anything else before he reached 6 months, but at this point I'm willing to try something different from what we have been doing. The boy just isn't acting very satisfied.

The appointment wasn't a total waste of time, though. I found out that this yucky little patch of yellow crusties behind his right ear is not just a spot we're not washing good enough; it's baby eczema. He gave me some ointment to put on it twice a day, so hopefully that will clear it up. 

There is one thing that's made me smile today. As I was cleaning Ethan up from his lunch of rice cereal, he started smiling and babbling (which is a nice thing to hear when he's been so unhappy), and then he said very clearly, "Daa!" I looked at him and said "Are you saying Daddy?" then repeated "Da-da" back to him, and he smiled very wide.

January 21, 2005  
Ethan is really scratching his face all up these days. He's always, even as evidenced by our 3D ultrasound, from the womb, kept his hands up around his face. We try to keep his nails trimmed short, but even short baby nails have sharp edges, and they grow fast! Whenever he gets tired, bored, or frustrated, those little hands go right up to his face and he scratches and digs. It looks like he got in a fight, and lost, with a cat. So, someday when you see your baby photos, Ethan, know that all those scratches and cuts on your face are your own doing! Some people, upon seeing his scratches, recommend I put those baby mits on him - yeah RIGHT! This wiggly boy likes his hands, thumbs, and fingers way too much. They would drive him, and by direct consequence, me, nuts.

I think he might be going through a growth spurt right now. It feels like he's nursing a lot through the days, and the last two nights he's wanted to nurse instead of sleep. Granted that unlike Natalie, he nurses for only about 10 minutes per time (not 30-40 minutes like our little bean), but throughout the nights he's wanted more pretty much once per hour. Needless to say, since I'm lazy and don't want to get up that much, he's been joining us in our bed. Up until the last couple days, he's been sleeping through the night and then Phil brings him to me when he's woken early in the morning to nurse, which means I've gotten plenty of sleep. Not the past couple days, though. He's cried for us to come get him within an hour of us going to bed. (We never believed in "cry it out", but this time it feels more critical to not let him wake Natalie!) It's felt like he's been permanently attached. Not even his well-loved pacifier is, well, pacifying him. He spits it out with such force that he's gotten it flying right back to me. If I then try to give it back to him, he either spits it back out even harder, or starts in with the high-pitched screech. Sometimes both, if he REALLY means it! Nothing but Mama will do right now. As if he needed another spurt of growth already anyway! (My arm hasn't quite fallen off yet while carrying his car seat. Maybe that's what this is about; he wants us to finally abandon the infant seat.)

Natalie has decided to call me Debby right now. I tell her, "No, Natalie, my name is Mama; you call me Mama." She says, "No, it's Debby."  When we ask her to tell us my name, she says, matter-of-factly, Debby. Smart girl...though I didn't think I'd be having to face this issue for at least 10 years...

January 13, 2005  
This one actually will be a quick entry. Today Ethan is 5 months! A new picture is here on his Growing Boy page. He doesn't have a doctor's appointment this month, so I just weighed him here at home. I don't know how accurate it is; it fluctuated between 19 and 20 pounds.

The one thing I forgot to mention last time is that Natalie has another cavity. This time it's on one of her top front teeth. It vexes me. Since her last fillings, we've been really good at brushing her teeth, even using a fluoride toothpaste, which normally isn't recommended at her age because she just wants to suck off the toothpaste instead of spitting it all out. Her appointment isn't until February 14th (what a Valentines Day present) but she'll get her age 3 cleaning and x-rays done then too. I'm going to ask about sealing her teeth; they seem to be even worse than mine were as a kid.

Speaking of Natalie turning 3 (I just can't believe it!!!), I ordered birthday party supplies off the Internet yesterday, so invitations should be here by next week. I think we might have her party the weekend before her birthday; either Saturday afternoon or Sunday after church. This year, in case you didn't know what she'd pick, is THE WIGGLES! I found a Wiggles Wiggly Guitar, new in the box, today at Goodwill, so we're uncharacteristically way ahead of the game for her birthday this year! 

January 11, 2005  
We had a pretty exciting day here yesterday. First, Ethan rolled over, from his back to his tummy, then later in the day went from his tummy to his back again. I was getting out of the shower and Phil was playing with the kids in Natalie/Ethan's room. I was just drying off when Phil yelled out for me, with what I thought sounded like panic in his voice. It was a very sharp, insistent "DEBBY!" Of course, I came running, dripping wet, with that sudden feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was really wrong. When I went around the corner and saw them all on the floor, Phil said, "Ethan just rolled over!" That was great; I was very excited about it a few  minutes later, but at that moment I still had that surge of momma adrenaline, giving me a knot in my stomach. I said, incredulously, "That's all? That's nice." and went back to drying off while I let my nerves calm down. I was a little sad to have missed his first roll over, but Ethan continued to practice it all day so I did get to see it. In the afternoon, he rolled over to his belly to get a toy, and then he rolled back over onto his back. (I guess it's typical for babies to roll from their tummies to their backs first, but that's not how he did it. I think Natalie rolled from her back first, too. Maybe if I gave my babies more "tummy time" they'd roll from their stomachs first, but I guess I don't do that enough.) Ethan is now rolling all over the place; now that he knows he can do it, he's even more wiggly than ever. 

So, then yesterday afternoon I decided to run the self-clean feature on my stove. It's gotten really bad lately, so I've been putting it off, but it had to be done eventually. I figured we'd be home all afternoon, this was a good time to do it. I ran it at about 3:30. By 4:15 I had to shut it off early, because there was so much smoke in my house that my eyes were starting to burn. I even had the fan running and the window by the stove open, but the smoke was still filling the house. (I said it was really dirty.) I figured it had run long enough that I could scrape out the rest of the ashy gook. So I turned it off and opened up all the downstairs windows and the door, too. About an hour later it was somewhat better, but I decided to take the kids to the library to get out of the house for awhile. When I got home, I opened the door again; it was finally getting bearable but it still smelled smoky (still does, a little). At about 6:30, I was nursing Ethan and watching the news, when suddenly I heard sirens coming our direction. And stopping on our road. Then another. Then another. Then another, four big engines in front of my house, then an emergency squad car too. Our street was just full of flashing red lights. They seemed to be right in front of my neighbor's house, and since we are connected to them I figured I should go see what was going on! I went out there, passing by four or five firemen, in full gear, going into my neighbor's house. I asked the fire chief standing out by an engine what was going on. He indicted to Ron's house and said, "Do you have any place you can go tonight? Your neighbor smells some kind of smell of smoke, maybe electrical, we're checking it out." I had that half-amused, half-embarrassed feeling...I told him, "um...well, it could be from my house...I cleaned my oven today..." You could see his expression go straight from concern to a "for crying out loud" look. He asked if I had run it this morning or if it was just recently. I told him it was just a couple hours ago, and in fact I still had my doors and windows open, trying to get the smell out. I had to go back in the house because Natalie was in there alone and I had Ethan in my arms, just wrapped up in a blanket. Less than a minute later, they finished checking out Ron's house, and finding nothing, came tromping into my house. (I was pretty glad we'd come home from the library when we did; we might have come home to a knocked-down door!) Natalie was just staring, pretty awestruck. They were dressed in FULL gear, including oxygen tanks! I directed them to my oven, saying "it did get pretty bad in here, I even had to leave for awhile this afternoon!" They saw the smoke residue on my stove from where the oven vents, and said, "that looks like it." They asked Ron, who came in too, "is this what you've been smelling?" He answered, "yes," rather sheepishly. The fireman spoke into a walkie-talkie, "I think we've found it. Neighbor cleaning her stove."

I followed them out and had Natalie come with me so that she could see the fire trucks. Ron and Elizabeth were apologizing, and I heard them say, "that's okay, it's our job." Then they, all four trucks, pulled out and it was dark and quiet again, like nothing had happened. We were all feeling pretty amazed, and I apologized to my neighbors, telling them I should have let them know when I saw it getting so smoky! We were all laughing; the craziness of the last 15 minutes settling in. They were feeling pretty embarrassed too, and told me, they'd let me know if they ever did it, because they'd never cleaned theirs!! Ron told me he had noticed my door open when he got home from work, thinking it was odd because it was cold out. Then they told me that when they called the fire department, they told them they smelled something smoky, or maybe something plastic or electrical, and asked them to come check it out "sometime tonight." They stressed to them, they said, that there was no fire and no emergency, they just wanted to make sure before going to bed that night, but "no rush". Well, our ultra-responsive fire team came rushing out, sirens a-blazing, all because I decided to clean my stove yesterday. (It's good to know they are so responsive, but I hope there were no real emergencies during our four-alarm situation!) 

We seem to be good tests for our emergency teams lately. Just a couple weeks ago, our other-side neighbor, a police detective, called out a couple squad cars to check out another "situation" at my house - a late-30's bald man, dressed in army fatigues, walking around our units and taking firewood from my backyard. That was my pastor. We sold him some of our firewood since we've lived here since 2000 and haven't even begun to make a dent in the stack of wood that was here when we moved in.

We have very caring, attentive neighbors. 

January 6, 2005  
Natalie has several "friends" that live in our house. I don't know if I've mentioned this or not. Her friends are named Jeff (her purple beanie baby bear), Greg (a yellow-shirted little toy doll she got in a Happy Meal), and Dorothy (a purple Care Bear). All these names I can explain where they came from - they are all names of Wiggles. She also has a brown beanie baby bear that she calls Steve. I don't know where that name came from; she hasn't gotten too much into Blue's Clues yet -- but it's a normal enough sounding name. She plays all the time with her friends; reading to them, lining them up on the couch, and often, feeding them or even nursing them (by lifting her shirt and putting them to her chest).  Then, she has one other friend who we can't figure out where the name came from at all. It's a brown-hatted Little People boy that she calls "Barno". Yes, Barno does all kinds of things around here. Today I had cleaned up, and in so doing, put Barno inside a Fisher Price train car that is a circus animal cage.  She went over to her toy box and said, "where's Barno?" I told her where "he" was, and she got him out, saying, "Barno doesn't go there." A few minutes later, she came over to me and said, "Barno is in time-out."  He was in time out on the table, not the stairs, she said, because Barno could fall off the stairs. I asked Natalie why Barno was in time out. "He wasn't listening," she said. 

Ah, the insights into the things that come out of my mouth.

January 5, 2005  
January has come in, not with a bang, but with a sneeze and a tissue. Ever since Sunday, I've been so congested I can hardly breathe, then Ethan got his 4-month shots on Monday. He was fussy and clingy all day afterwards, meanwhile I just tried to sit and breathe while holding an inconsolable (when he wasn't asleep in my arms) baby, and occasionally attend to my daughter's needs. Yesterday Ethan started acting congested, and last night so did Natalie. They are both pretty fussy. Fun all around, let me just say. This is one of those weeks of motherhood that make me greatly appreciate the (by comparison) less chaotic times. I am really tired of sickness, though. Since the beginning of November, there haven't been two consecutive weeks in a row where one or more of us isn't sick with a cold or flu. Ever since the cats went bye-bye, the house has been cleaner than it's ever been, and I try to Lysol everything we touch, too, so I know it's not that. We -and usually, first, myself- just seem to instantly catch every strain of everything that goes around. It seems just as soon as we get over one thing, something else comes along.

I've decided that I have to try harder to write more often than twice a month; otherwise this becomes more of just highlights, and the day to day details that I really want to remember someday are forgotten. It's so hard with Ethan, though. Natalie was content to snuggle in my arms while I typed one-handed, but he gets fussy if I turn any attention away from him to the computer. It's the same whether he's nursing in my arms or playing on the floor - he wants my undivided attention. When I turn even slightly away and break eye contact, he squawks. If I ignore his increasing squawks, he yells and cries pitifully. Sometimes, like now, I've gotten him settled and half asleep. Then either I cough (aforementioned months-long cold) or Natalie comes in, wanting to touch, hug, kiss, or otherwise fawn over her brother, which wakes him up and I have to start over with calming him. That, or I just never check my email or get to write until late at night when everyone else is in bed. Which isn't really an option either since our "office" is here in a little corner of our bedroom, and Phil wants to sleep without me clack-clacking away. So, I spend the occasional afternoon making Ethan angry at me. The good thing about babies is, they get over it very fast.

Ethan's first New Years was pretty uneventful. We had a New Year's Eve party at our church that Phil was coordinating, so we all were there but I was fully in charge of both kids the whole time. Doesn't make for a relaxing evening where adult conversation is possible. We had a great turn out, with lots of kids, so eventually I just stayed and supervised the kids' room, in which we had videos and coloring books. Basically I got stuck with nursery duty. Phil had to oversee the bounce house. At a little after 10,  Natalie was absolutely breaking down. (She has two stages of tired these days - the first involves lots of head-butting, then, beyond that, she cries inconsolably about everything and nothing. She'd reached that stage.) Ethan was also unable to settle down with all the noise and activity, even in the sling. So Phil and I just decided it would be better for all involved if I just took the kids home. (Actually we ended up going over to my mom's, because she was gone for the week on vacation, and I wanted to let her dog out of her cage for awhile anyway.) So Phil and I had our first New Year's apart. When the ball dropped, Natalie and I gave each other kisses and we both kissed Ethan. (Yes, she was still awake - after we got out of the overstimulation of the party, she settled down and was fine.) Five minutes after the new year rolled over, Natalie climbed onto a chair, looked exhausted, and told me "I have a booboo in my stomach ache" which said to me that she was very tired. I was holding Ethan who was trying to stay asleep too, so I moved over to the couch and told Natalie to lay her head down on my lap (Ethan was in my left arm, Natalie in my right). By ten minutes into 2005, both kids were out. When Phil got there at about 1:30 to help take the kids home, they both stayed completely asleep, and the next morning we all slept in!

One more thing I wanted to note today: lately Natalie insists that Ethan isn't her baby brother, but that "he's my BABY". When we say, "you mean he's your baby brother?" she answers "no, he's my BABY."  It reminds me of the story I always heard about my sister always calling me "baby" and not my name.