This weekend I did do way too much. By Sunday after church, my whole body was hurting like I had been working out all weekend. I was on my feet a lot of the time on Friday night and all day Saturday; though I tried to sit and rest as much as possible, I did a lot of running around too. My next wedding is scheduled for July 24, and I've already lined up a few people to come with me on that one to help! I hope to not have a baby in arms by then. On Sunday evening around dinner time we almost made a trip to Labor and Delivery, because I started having pretty hard and consistent contractions, and they lasted for almost 40 minutes. My doctor told me to go in if I had contractions for a solid hour, so since they stopped at 40 minutes we just made it. I just sat on the couch while Phil took care of Natalie and dinner, but they just kept coming even though I wasn't doing anything but sitting there. I've had a few more since Sunday but not at all consistently like I did then, so maybe it was just caused by too much activity this weekend. I've been trying to take it easy a lot more this week, but it's really hard with a two year old!  We've been watching a lot more of Veggies, Bob the Builder, Elmo, and Wiggles than I would like, but we're doing the best we can. Fortunately Natalie also likes to read a lot, so she brings me lots of books too. We're just whizzing through her summer reading club chart! (She gets a sticker for every hour spent reading, and after 6 more hours she will have finished her chart. She already won a new book this week after reading 6 hours.)

I have my next doctor appointment on Friday. Hopefully there won't be any change.

June 25, 2004
Well, there's yet another 'big surprise' for this week. Actually, not really that big of a surprise. Today I found out that I'm already starting to dilate. I had my doctor's appointment yesterday (I finally met a doctor and I really liked her - yay!) and it went pretty routinely. I told them that I had had some cramping, some pretty bad, but nothing consistent yet. (No regular intervals.) The doctor told me they might start checking my cervix at the next appointment instead of at 36 weeks, which is when they typically start. My next appointment was scheduled for July 12.  Then yesterday afternoon, I got a call from another doctor there, Dr. Davis, and she said they had been discussing my file and thought it might be a good idea to bring me in to go ahead and get checked. So I went in this morning, she checked me, and sure enough, I'm dilated to 1cm. It's not too much, and the cervix hasn't thinned out yet, but given my history it was enough (and still way too early) so they are a little concerned. She told me that other than this weekend (I have a wedding rehearsal tonight and a wedding tomorrow), I'm supposed to sit as much as possible, not lift anything (like a 30 pound 2 year old?), don't push a vacuum (darn) or cook a labor-intensive meal. (I think it's going to be much harder to stay sitting down this time since I'm not at a desk job like last time!) And now my next appointment is for next Friday, a week away, and I'll get checked again. It looks like this baby boy might follow in his big sister's rush to get out! Now we REALLY need to get busy, picking out a name, packing my hospital bag, and clearing out some space in Natalie's closet for some non-pink or purple things.

Oh, one last thing about my doctor's appointment yesterday. Using fundal height, I am measuring about a week and half ahead. So I was right, this baby is big, but not too much so. I kind of was wondering about that after seeing him so squished up at the ultrasound! (Plus I just continue to get lots of comments of "are you sure you don't have twins?") She said it's just the way I'm carrying this baby - all out front instead of hidden more into my body.

June 23, 2004
It's a boy! Really! A BOY! Yes, you've read that right. Not a girl. Natalie isn't going to have a baby sister, she's going to have a baby BROTHER! A BOY, in OUR family! A BOY! For the first time in four generations. It's still all a little hard to believe. We're all very thrilled, excited, shocked, how many other descriptives can we come up with? Phil of course is just beaming. I mean, of course there was always the SUPPOSED 50/50 chance of having a boy, but come on, in OUR family? We just have girls! I figured the chance was there, but not really. But it's true, this baby boy was not hiding those parts at ALL.

I'll write more about it later but for now I'm just still too in shock to make any logical sense out of it all. I've got a few pictures here. I hope to get more from the DVD soon.

June 22, 2004
Tomorrow's the day! We are going to a different place than the one I linked to the last time. That place is in Cincinnati; instead, we are going to Baby Waves which is in Cleveland. It's a longer drive, but I found out that we'll be getting a lot more for the same price as the one in Cincinnati. They were only going to give us a VHS video with the 3D portion only about 5 minutes long (you could pay $20 more for a DVD) and this other place tapes the whole session, on DVD. They also give you all the images on a CD-rom, whereas the other place only gave you four pictures - two 2D and two 3D. We are so excited for tomorrow! It's a whole family event too. My two sisters and my mom are going, along with Phil and Natalie and me. I wonder how Natalie is going to react to seeing our baby. Whenever she sees ultrasound pictures, she knows it's a baby, but to actually see it moving around on the screen, it should be interesting to see how she reacts. As long as we get back home at a pretty good time tomorrow, I'm sure I'll be posting the update and pictures tomorrow night.

I wanted to write something that I know Natalie will have reason to get back at me for in the future, but it was one of those things that I just thought, this is absolutely disgusting but something I'm sure I'll want to remember. Here's the warning that this little story has quite a "yuck" factor! Yesterday afternoon, Natalie and I went to the library (as we tend to do at least twice or three times a week!) and as we were leaving, she did her usual "uh oh momma. Poopies." Which is how she tells me she needs a diaper change. Since we were on our way home, just a few minutes away, I told her I'd change it when we got home. As we were driving home, she said "uh oh momma. New shirt." I pretty much dismissed the comment, saying to her, "Natalie, you don't need a new shirt, your shirt is fine." I thought she was just whining about how it got a little wet as we were leaving the library (from the water fountain). She gets very disturbed when something on her is messy, often insisting on two or three (or more) napkins used per meal to wipe her fingers) so I just figured that's what this was. When I pulled into the garage, I turned back to look at her because she was still saying "uh oh! uh oh!" incessantly, and "Wipes momma!" She had something disturbingly brown on her fingers, and yep, it was on her shirt where she had tried to wipe her fingers off. As any mom can do without thinking about it, I grabbed her hand and smelled her fingers - it was poop. There wasn't too much, but it was definitely poop. I quickly got a wipe out of my purse and wiped off her hands, and then her shirt as best I could, and checked around her legs for a diaper explosion or leakage. Nothing. I quickly got her into the house (not an easy thing these days, to move myself and my kid into the house quickly from the car...) and straight into the bathroom. I got off her shorts and her diaper, and...found nothing. Not even a diaper full of pee. I still don't know what happened. Was it just a little "pooplet" that she reached into her diaper and grabbed? I have no idea.

So that was my day yesterday. How was yours? 

(It did improve later - we finally got over to my friend Allie's house and met her baby Gavin. Natalie didn't say much while we were there, but of course, on the way home she went on and on about "Owwie's house" and the baby.)

June 14, 2004
Happy birthday to me! Today I start the last year of my 20’s. The thought of turning 30 doesn’t bother me at all, but being 29 just sounds worse for some reason. No, it doesn’t make any sense, but there’s nothing I can do about it anyway! We won’t be doing anything for my birthday, because Phil’s schedule is just really full today. We had planned on having either lunch or an early dinner together today, but then we remembered that today he has his church staff meeting, which is held during lunchtime and often goes late. Then tonight at 6 he has to be back at the church because this whole week is VBS, and he’s one of the group leaders. He’ll be there until 9 tonight and every night this whole week. Oh well, it’s only fair; we spent his birthday driving all day and then the rest of the evening at the hospital getting my broken toe checked out. Real fun for him.

I will be getting one good present this year for my birthday, though! I got it scheduled just a little while ago. Mom got me an appointment at a 3D ultrasound place! It’s scheduled for next Wednesday, June 23, at 5:00. I’m so excited!!!! It’s going to include both 3D and 2D pictures, and a live DVD also so it’s not just the sometimes hard to discern still pictures. Woohoo!!! I had thought that 30 weeks was too late for an ultrasound, at least for determining gender, because by this point the baby is getting very squished, but apparently later is just fine – and it will be easier to see facial features. So a week and a half from now, we will hopefully know if this baby is a boy or a girl!

We have had more success in the prenatal bonding the past week or so too. (Finally, I’m beginning to feel a little like this is more than just bad indigestion making my tummy big.) Last week I went over to my grandma Hedrick’s house, and she helped (or really, she did it and I helped a little bit - I did read the directions out loud for her and also ironed the hems!) make a new baby sling. I found some lightweight fabric at a garage sale a long time ago, and found a pattern online for a simple, no-padding sling. I really liked using a sling to carry Natalie around, but all the padding got hot and in the way, and she wasn’t even using it through the heat of summer. So we made me a new sling for this baby – finally, something that I have done specifically to get ready for the new arrival.

Second, we have started making some headway in thinking of names. We have absolutely nothing solid yet, but we’re starting to kick around some ideas that might actually stick. We’ve been talking about names all the time since we knew this one was coming, but until just lately it’s never gotten any farther than “how about…”, “…nah…”

Third, a really cool thing happened yesterday. We don’t remember Natalie ever doing this. We were sitting on the couch yesterday afternoon when I noticed that the baby was really active, and my stomach was still really round and basketball-like, except for a definite foot-shaped protrusion just up and to the right of my belly button. It was really funny looking! The baby was moving all around anyway, so I pushed in on the foot, and the baby kicked back. Phil did it and the same thing happened. (Most of the time as soon as I tell Phil to come feel my belly the baby stops moving instantly.) I think the baby did change position a few days ago. Suddenly there is a lot of pressure right on my bladder and I'm getting kicked in the ribs a lot, instead of kicked in the side. The first day I noticed the change, I had to go to the bathroom just about every 30 to 40 minutes all day long. (Night was a little better - I was up ONLY four times!)

A few people have asked for an update on Natalie’s eye. I think it is healing up just fine. This morning I happened to notice that she has a red line in her eye running through the white part where the scratch was, so I’m going to keep watching that, but it seems her vision is okay and the scratch has healed. She’s not crying out anymore when she rubs her eye, so that’s a good sign. Last week on Monday we took her to an ophthalmologist, just to check everything out, because I had noticed that the weekend before that she was stumbling a lot. She was acting like she was just learning how to walk – she would be walking and just suddenly fall. The eye doctor checked out her eye by dilating her pupil, and he didn’t see anything wrong. She also did a few different vision tests, though it didn’t go so well because she didn’t want to talk to the stranger. Once the doctor left the room, though, I asked her to identify some of the same things that had just been asked of her, and she named them all, of course. She just didn’t want to talk to anyone other than me. The place was really nice; it is an ophthalmologist office that is specifically for children, so everything was done using pictures and cartoons instead of the standard letter charts. We still don’t know why she was stumbling, but maybe it was some kind of growth spurt…

Okay, so now (poof!) it is no longer then but it's now - just after 10:30 pm, still on my birthday. I went out for dinner and dessert (strawberry shortcake - yum!) with my mom and sister. Phil met us there while we were eating dessert, and then on the way home he stopped and got me a birthday present - a really pretty potted miniature lilac purple rose plant! Hopefully I can keep it alive and also keep Natalie from picking all the flowers off. :-)

June 4, 2004
It's been quite an eventful last couple days. I've been trying to think of the best way to start this, and I think the best way is just chronologically. So I'll start with my appointment which was yesterday morning. In many ways I wish I could turn back the clock and just restart with a new yesterday.

I'm getting more and more frustrated with this clinic that I'm at. I have been there, what, three or four times now, and have still not yet met one of the five doctors that practice there. So far, I've seen many nurses (all of them very friendly and wonderful, so I can't complain there, unlike the nurse at MCE where I was going) and one certified nurse midwife, who is very knowledgeable and likeable, but gee, I just would really like to actually have a chance to possibly meet one of the people who will actually be delivering this baby. At least I'm not uncomfortable, like I felt with the doctor I would have had at MCE - I didn't like him at all. But I don't KNOW if I'll be comfortable with these doctors because I have YET to MEET any of them!!! As I start going more frequently now, I'm sure I'll eventually cross paths with an actual doctor. I hope. I told Phil yesterday (he and Natalie were able to come to my appointment) that if this trend continues, he's just going to have to be extra aware of what the doctor is doing during my labor and delivery. I don't want someone who I have no idea who they are, or what their labor philosophies are, coming at me with a scalpel to cut me or drugs I don't want. The med student that saw me yesterday acted like he wanted to be anywhere else than doing rounds at the OB/GYN - he barely looked at me the whole time and every question he asked had a bored, irritated attitude along with it, so he almost didn't even check for the heartbeat. He "found" it in the swish of the water around the baby, and was about to quit with that when suddenly he found the actual heartbeat. He was surprised; he said normally he doesn't usually find the heartbeat and just takes the pulse wherever he can get it. Once he found the actual heartbeat, it sounded good. I was glad he took his busy time to find the actual heartbeat, too, because that was Phil and Natalie's first time hearing it. Other than that, the appointment went fine. My glucose test from last time came back very good, along with my iron count. The nurse-midwife, who came in later and actually looked at me and talked with me, said that all the things I've been experiencing lately are probably all normal. I'm a little more aware of every strong braxton-hicks that I have this time, when they are accompanied by lower back ache especially, since I went through the whole pre-term labor thing last time. She thinks everything looks fine. I'm just indeed getting bigger and starting to experience all the fun that goes with it. Here is my 28-week belly picture, by the way, just proving how much bigger I've gotten in four weeks! This one wasn't taken on the beach though, alas. 

The second thing that happened yesterday afternoon was right after lunch, I had just recently taken my shower so I hadn't re-wrapped my broken and still hurting toe yet. So of course, while it was unprotected, I whacked it again. On the leg of a chair. I've knocked into my toe a couple times in the last few weeks but not so bad as this latest time. So it is now hurting really badly again. If I could just stop running into things, maybe it would heal up.

And now to the last event of yesterday, which was the worst thing that we have experienced in recent memory.  We needed to go to the store to pick up some milk before we made dinner last night (for some reason everything we had left to make in our cupboard requires milk in the preparation). So at about 6:30 we headed off to Wal-Mart, to pick up just some milk, juice, and some flip-flops for me (so that I could have something to put on my feet that didn't squash my broken toe). Quick trip, and then we'd be right home to make dinner and have a nice evening. It was not to be. We got the flip-flops and the milk, and headed over to the juice aisle. We didn't find the kind we were looking for in the bottled juice aisle so we decided to just get a couple cans of frozen. Phil headed off with Natalie by the hand, and I followed behind with the cart. As Phil and Natalie reached the end of the aisle, I suddenly saw Natalie lurch back and then start screaming. Now, I am so VERY glad that Natalie is not your average, loves to run around two year old, because she was just calmly walking hand in hand with her daddy. Which probably saved her right eye. There was a display rack, made out of that white covered wire stuff (kind of like you sometimes see in pantries and closets these days instead of wood shelves), with a bottom wire that was all pulled out and looked like it had been run over by a heavy truck, sticking straight directly out, right at two-year-old eye level. I took Natalie in my arms and saw that she had blood coming from her eye - I couldn't tell from where, but she wasn't opening her eye. She started wanting to fall asleep in my arms. Phil grabbed my cell phone and called 911, and meanwhile a nice lady who told me she was a nurse stopped to help us. She and I just tried to keep Natalie from falling asleep. A screaming child was a much better thing at this point than an unconscious one. Phil and I and that lady just sat there and prayed over Natalie while we waited for the squad showed up.

After a few minutes, the paramedics showed up, right there in the juice aisle at Wal-Mart. The first thing he did was look at the protruding wire, to see if he could see any blood or anything on it. Miraculously, there was none that we could see. He tried to check Natalie's eye but she of course didn't want to open her eyes. He managed to pry it open just enough to see that it didn't look like her eye was punctured, and by the then it had pretty much stopped bleeding, too. He said they could drive her to Children's Hospital in the squad, but since the bleeding had stopped we could just go too. Since we didn't want to have to worry about leaving our car, and Natalie was beginning to calm down (and fall asleep, which was okay now), we just decided we would drive. But first we had to give a statement to the manager at Wal-Mart, of course. They tried to write that Natalie had "run" into the wire, which of course she hadn't, she had been walking pretty slowly. I'm glad Phil knew to watch for details like this in a statement; I probably would have just signed whatever was written in the state that I was in at that moment. The only thing I remember saying to the manager was that we were not leaving until I saw that they had taken down that wire rack, because if it wasn't Natalie it would have been another child who would get injured by that protruding wire! (And it could have so easily put out her entire eye.) They took a bunch of pictures of the rack and then took it down.

Natalie slept the whole way to the hospital, and then once we got there she was calm enough that the doctor could actually see in her eye. She did so good. They put some yellow dye in her eye and then turned off the lights and shined a purple UV light, which made her eye glow. There it was, a huge gash - a big corneal scratch - right across her eye, from the outside white side all the way into her pupil. It was about the same size as the size of that wire, too. With it glowing like that, it looked like a big plank in her eye. Very scary. They told us that eyes often heal themselves within 24-48 hours, but if it didn't, it would be a more serious problem. We got a prescription for an antibiotic ointment, and were told that it was essential for us to follow up with Dr. Kern the next day. 

So we picked up the prescription from the hospital pharmacy. It was for a GEL ointment - and they somehow expected this to get into a two year old's eye that was hurting anyway? It wasn't happening. We tried a couple times last night and then again this morning, but I don't think I got much in because it burned (they told me "it will probably sting her some") and she refused to open her eye so that I could put some of the gel into her lower eyelid. So now I was also getting concerned that she would get an eye infection, on top of everything else. 

We called my mom as we left the hospital, to ask her to bring us some Taco Bell and some milk, because it was now almost 11 pm and we still hadn't eaten since lunch. We were all feeling very shaky (including the baby, I'm sure, who was kicking pretty hard), and we just didn't want to have to make one more stop - we had gone on the shopping trip just to get stuff to cook dinner in the first place! After we ate dinner, we all crashed pretty hard. Natalie slept well all night, which I was happy about.

This morning I called and got an appointment for her to see Dr. Kern at 1:45. It was good news. We re-did the UV and dye check (though it wasn't as good because Natalie refused to open her eye wide enough to get much dye in this time), but I didn't see that big gash, so we think her eye has already begun to heal. Thank GOD! Her eye is still red and puffy and she keeps wanting to rub it, which, when she does rub her eye, of course it hurts all over again and she starts to cry. Dr. Kern gave her a prescription for an antibiotic in eye DROP form, so hopefully that will work better. I think I did get a drop in her eye after we got home. She still doesn't want me to get near her eye, but at least with the drops I can drop it on her closed eye - then I just have to convince her to open her eye so that it can run in. I have to pin down both hands while I do it, because she just wants to rub it away as soon as it drops on her eye. 

Dr. Kern told me that if her eye is still red after 5 to 7 days, then I need to go in again, and Natalie will probably have to see an ophthalmologist. But it looks like her eye is healing up well. It's hard to know if a two-year-old is actually seeing out of her eye correctly though, you can't just ask her to read an eye chart!

Wal-Mart's insurance company has already called and spoken with Phil. He will be giving an official statement about the incident on Tuesday. They wanted him to tell them about it today, but since we hadn't seen Dr. Kern yet, we didn't really know much yet. Hopefully by Tuesday Natalie will be all healed up and there won't be any infection. It's just amazing to me how fast the eye can heal; to see a gash like that just last night and for it to be almost gone today.

Oh, and we had just seen Dr. Kern on Wednesday of this week. I had been forgetting to mention this. About a week and half ago, she ripped off her entire right thumbnail, just from picking at it. She came up to me in the kitchen and said "mama, broke" and showed me her nail. It was hanging off on all but the outside edge. The office told me to finish trimming it all the way off and to wrap it in a band-aid and just watch for infection. By Wednesday this week, she was acting like it was still hurting her a lot, favoring the thumb and generally acting like she was left-handed, not even using the hand at all. So while it didn't look bad, I wanted the doctor to check it out anyway. It was okay; Natalie was just still protecting her thumb so much because it had a band-aid on it. So we've kept it unwrapped (and very closely trimmed as it starts to grow) for the last few days, and she's back to acting like a right-hander again.

What an exciting week, huh?

June 1, 2004
It's already June - I am having real trouble coming to the reality that this baby is actually, really, coming not too long from now. I don't know why I'm having so much trouble getting the idea into my head that this is a REAL baby, part of our lives for the rest of our lives. It upsets me that I am having so much trouble thinking of this as a reality, because Natalie was so very real from the moment I took that pregnancy test on my birthday in 2001. So, here in advance, little baby #2 that still has no name, I am apologizing because I don't like the idea that someday you will be reading this and feeling like I'm saying you aren't as "real" to us as your big sister is. I'm sure it will all change the moment I have you in my arms, but right now, for whatever reason, it's really hard for me to see this as a reality. This baby seems so abstract - yes, I am being kicked and jostled and punched around all the time, more so than Natalie did, I think, so you would think it would be something continuously on my mind, like Natalie was. I think part of it, but only just a part, is not having an ultrasound to see the baby ever since the 10 week old one. With Natalie, I remember feeling very connected to her once I saw her little hands (with LONG fingers) clapping inside of me. Part of it could be that with a second pregnancy there's no nursery preparation, no shopping for baby stuff or baby showers, etc etc. There's nothing to DO to keep focused on the fact that change is about to occur. Some have told me that it's because I am just preoccupied with Natalie these days to think about it too much, which may very well be true, but it still doesn't make me feel any better. I am the second child, so I wanted to make sure this kid knew I felt, right from the start, the same expectation and anticipation with my second pregnancy. I'm excited about this baby coming, to be sure, but I just cannot visualize actually having two children; bringing this baby home outside of my belly, nursing another baby, changing a diaper...all the things about a newborn that make it all very real. 

The only thing I have already started to visualize in reality are the inevitable sleepless nights; just within the last few weeks, comfortable sleep has become increasingly elusive, no matter which way I snuggle into my Snoogle. So I'm already spending my days feeling tired and unfocused, just like I did after Natalie was born. Last time, I saw this time as "training" for life with a newborn. It was irritating at times, when I was trying to concentrate on my last weeks of work, but as my belly expanded, people gave me quite a lot of slack. Now I am in that "training" again, only this time with a toddler (who doesn't like naps) to keep up with all day long, and a two year old doesn't understand the idea of giving mommy a little slack to not play, or read, or get me juice, or chocolate milk, or a snack, RIGHT NOW. I'm trying not to act any different toward her, because she's going through her own stress right now as she sees my belly expand. And she really is just being very cute and herself, but she LOVES to lift up my shirt and pat my belly ALL THE TIME, sometimes not as gently as I would prefer. I really like that she's so fascinated by the baby in my belly (I think she actually just thinks my protruding belly button is the baby, because that's what she always sticks her finger in and says "baby dere") but after a whole day long of this, it does get a bit tiring and I want to say, Please, Natalie, can you PLEASE just not lift up my shirt and punch me in the belly for a little while? The times I have told her not to, though, she gets such a look in her eyes that looks like I've hurt her feelings, so I try to just let her pat the baby all she wants. Except when she runs full-force into me or is on my lap and decides to give the baby a really TIGHT hug -- ouch. That I have to stop right away. It does get a little uncomfortable, though especially, during those times when I am undressed in front of her, like when I take a shower when it's just the two of us at home, so she's upstairs with me as I am getting into the shower. As soon as my belly is completely uncovered, she goes NUTS with excitement - "baby tummy! baby tummy!" and can't keep from hugging and patting my belly. I don't mind her excitement, but she's not exactly always gentle, and in the last couple weeks my belly has felt increasingly sensitive.

I read yesterday that just since I took that last belly picture, at 24 weeks on the beach in Florida, the baby has doubled in weight, and that fact didn't surprise me at all. Suddenly I look and feel MUCH bigger. Every night, no matter how cool the night gets, I am sleeping with a sheet pretty much around my calves (with my feet still sticking out), with the air conditioning cranked, and the ceiling fan blowing on me. (I'm sure this is contributing to my sleeplessness in addition to my expanding size.) Meanwhile Phil is sleeping under three blankets! And it's only the first of June! He'll be dragging out the winter comforter by the time we get to August.

I hope this journal entry hasn't come off as overly whiny. I don't mean to be whiny - I've just started to get increasingly upset that I can't think of this baby as a reality, so I wanted to write about it. I'm still *enjoying* this pregnancy more than I did my first one --considerably less worry and stress because there aren't all the unknowns! 

I have my next doctor appointment on Thursday morning. And I'll be posting a new belly picture on Friday!