My energy level hasn't picked back up yet, though. The last few days I've been trying hard to get my house back in shape after really letting things go for the past two months, but I get started and after just a little while I am exhausted. I've found that using chemicals to clean the bathrooms and floors (even a natural one that I got from Whole Foods, just a citrus cleaner) gives me a headache from the smell. I've had a few of those off and on, but not like I had earlier this week. From Sunday until Tuesday this week I had another really horrible headache. I don't think it was related to blood sugar this time, though, since I'm eating pretty regularly (though still no meat). I was taking tylenol every four hours, and even attempted adding Sudafed, in case it was sinus/allergy related, but nothing helped, even for an hour or so. It never even slightly subsided. On Tuesday afternoon I decided to go into a chiropractor, and he did some adjustments on my neck, where I had been feeling most of the tension and tightness. (It was an all-over headache, as usual, but it seemed to be down into my neck too.) Right after he adjusted me I felt a lot of tension go away, like I'd had a really good massage, but I still had the headache. Within the next few hours, it started going away (without taking any more tylenol) and by the evening, it had finally gone away. The insurance we have doesn't cover chiropractor visits, so I was really wary of going in and paying cash, but after three days of a non-ending headache I had to try something else. Many people are able to just let headaches go away on their own, either through time, relaxing, or sleeping it off, but that never works for my headaches. In fact, if I ever go to sleep with a headache without taking some powerful, not-allowed-during-pregnancy pill, I never sleep the whole night through, and usually wake up with an even worse headache. I never understood "sleeping it off". Same for sitting in a dark room, putting cold packs on your head, or other "remedies" -- absolutely useless for me. If I get one of these multiple-day headaches again that aren't touched by Tylenol, I'm not going to wait around that long again, and just schedule another trip to the chiropractor. (I always think it's such a joke -- with both times I've had these headaches lately, when I've called the doctor for ANY advice on something else to try, I get the suggestion, "well, have you tried Extra Strength Tylenol?" Uh, yeah. I don't bother with anything else since the "extra strength" barely registers.  I don't even know why they sell a "regular strength Tylenol". Isn't that just a lump of sugar with the Tylenol logo thrown on?)

Natalie had her dance recital this weekend. She did so good, we were all so very proud. I was a little worried on Friday, because the first thing all the kids did was run through the "finale", when all the kids went up on stage to wave goodbye. Natalie REFUSED to go on the stage. Even when I led her up the stairs myself. She wouldn't go with Miss Molly, Miss Marcia, or any of her friends in her class. She clung to my neck like I was going to drop her off the edge of a cliff. So there I was, on the stage, during the practice finale, with all the kids around me, and Natalie clinging to me and sobbing. Her teachers thought for sure that she wouldn't be performing. I was disappointed, because Natalie has worked SO hard all year, and she had been talking excitedly about being up on stage for several weeks. After the finale was over and we went back out to the audience to sit down, the classes started running through their routines. Natalie was number 10 in the lineup for her tumbling class. I was glad that she had some time to see the other kids up there, because she calmed right down and was enjoying watching all the dancers. When one of the big kids came to take her class up to the stage to get ready for her song, she went right with her and didn't even look back. The lights came up, her song started, and she did her whole routine, perfectly! She did great for her ballet, too, although toward the end of the routine, after the girls finished a part where they all hold hands and run...I mean, dance, in a circle (all the girls favorite part, you could always tell), Natalie went back to her correct number on the floor, except that it was a line about five feet ahead of the other girls. Natalie didn't seem to mind, though - she just went on with her routine! It was funny, though, for Natalie, little miss Natalie, of all people, to be the one who was front and center of the whole group. She did the same thing on Saturday during the actual recital. It was just so cute. (I've included a bunch of pictures below.) At the end of the recital on Saturday, Natalie got all nervous again when I was in the back helping all the girls get lined up for the finale. I just can't figure that one out. She had no problem getting up on the stage when it was just her and either two other or a few other girls, but when she was up there with a hundred other people, she got stage fright. She went out there, though, and seemed fine, until she came back stage where I was waiting for her. As soon as she got off stage she started BAWLING! I thought I had done something wrong, because when trying to calm her down before going on, I had told her to make sure she waved "bye" to everyone, including Grammy and Aunt Sarah and Daddy and Ethan, who was out there. When she came off, she told me, through tears, that "I didn't see Grammy Mama!" I thought, oh great, she thought I meant to say "bye" to Grammy and now she'd missed her chance. No, it was nothing to do with that. She told me straight out that she was scared being up on stage with all those people. After three BIG bouquets of flowers -two of them purple- from Grammy and Aunt Sarah couldn't even get her to smile, the only way we were able to calm her down was when we asked her if she wanted to go get ice cream. That ended the tears quickly. We made it through the whole year of dance class, and we're glad that we switched her to ballet, because she really loves it. Ever since her recital last weekend, she's been playing dress up with her costumes, and she especially loves to put on her ballet shoes and dance around. Yesterday she was teaching Ethan a few different steps. She likes to tell him, "I'm your teacher, Ethan." 

Don't forget to see the pictures below.

May 19, 2006
This spring, when I've had the ability to get outside, I've been planting a nice organic garden (yes every weed gets pulled by hand - no "deminals") in my backyard. I've planted a ton of strawberries, green beans, pumpkins, green lettuce, and most recently (now that it looks like it might actually stay above freezing) four different varieties of tomato plants. I also plan on putting down some okra in a couple weeks, though I don't have high hopes for those since they really require hotter, longer summers than we usually have. I've been really enjoying my garden so far, first of all because I have what seems to be really good soil. It's easy to break apart and dig into, lots (LOTS) of earthworms all through it, and if the response of my green bean seeds are any indication (they popped up really fast and are growing...like weeds...) then I think the soil is pretty fertile, too. The last time I had a garden, the ground was just all clay dirt and rocks that nothing grew in, and my back yard backed up to a ravine, with lots of critters coming in and out. My plants never had a chance. Our new house has a completely fenced in yard, and it's nowhere near a creek or woods (we just back up to other houses). I felt secure. Up until this week, my plants have been growing in peace, untouched by little furry creatures. Well, I thought my yard was secure. Apparently, bunnies are easily able to sneak through fences, because this last week I've had a couple recurring visitors.

Here's the short, fat one. He also likes to munch our (plentiful) dandelions all over our yard. I'm not discouraging that.

Here's the tall, skinny one. He likes to stand up on his hind legs. Right after telling Natalie this morning that bunnies do stand up sometimes (which I really don't know but I've seen cats do it often enough) but they go back down to all four feet to hop, he proceeded to hop away, on his two hind feet. Once again Natalie finds out that I don't always know what I'm talking about.

I've seen these same bunnies a few times this week. There might be more, because where two bunnies are, many more are usually nearby, but I've recognized these two a couple times and haven't seen any others. My first indication that my happy little garden wasn't so secure? I looked outside one day early this week and saw strawberry leaves strewn all over my steps. (I have one container of strawberries on my "deck" steps; the other plants are in the ground.) The bunnies found the container plants and had themselves a strawberry buffet. I had one red strawberry that I'd been watching for a couple days. It would have been ready to bring in that morning, but when I checked on it, there were little bunny tooth bites in it. Then I saw several other half-pink and some green strawberries all bitten off at the stems. 

The bunnies are cute and the kids like to watch them, but it's not so cute to find out they are enjoying my garden in the wee hours of the morning! Are there scarecrows for bunnies?

I've been feeling a little better the past couple days. Well, yesterday afternoon was rough, but I was feeling pretty good in the morning. Good enough to take the kids over to COSI after lunch. We were there for a little over an hour when I felt like I was about to start falling apart. (Fortunately I'd found an un-expired meter to park at -always a nice find! - so I didn't end up wasting four bucks in the Extortion Lot in front of COSI, for just an hour's worth of play time.) But I felt good enough in the morning, and so far most of today, that I have high hopes that there is a soon end in sight to my nausea. I haven't even had to take a pill since Tuesday. (But like I mentioned earlier in the week, it takes a lot to get me to take a pill, having to weigh out which will be worse: the nausea or the sleepiness.) 

Natalie has her dance dress rehearsal tonight. (And the recital tomorrow.) It will be her first time doing her thing somewhere other than in the classroom at dance class. We've been trying to explain to her that she'll be up on a big stage, but we'll see how she does once she's there. Natalie -- in a completely new environment, with people all around her that she's never met, with a crowd of people watching her? Maybe the stage lights will be so bright that at least she won't see the audience.

Okay, so a few minutes ago I was just about to upload this page and be finished up, when I had one of those "you're not really a parent until..." moments. Let's just say that now I'm REALLY REALLY glad that I haven't felt too nauseous today, because I would have really lost it. Ethan came over to me and said "stuck", showing me his fingers. He had been playing over here in their play room, and it's a typical thing for some minor mishap to occur, and then he wants me to kiss his new "boo-boo". So I kissed his fingers, not even looking too closely. (There was no screaming, no crying, no blood, and he said "stuck", so I just figured this most recent drama was about his fingers getting momentarily caught in a toy.) Nope. His fingers HAD been momentarily caught -- in the back of his pants, where he'd just discovered (as did I, with sudden realization as his fingers touched my lips) a poop-out. He had poop all over his fingers and now it was all over my upper lip. I left the poor boy standing there with his fingers outstretched, and poop going out his waistband and up his back, while I RAN to the bathroom (SO, SO glad we have this third bathroom downstairs) to wash off my mouth and do a few swish and rinses for good measure. Then I came back and attended to my boy. Threw a BIG towel down on the floor, stripped all his clothes off, and got him all washed up. His biggest complaint through the whole thing was that I had to take off his beloved light-up fire truck shoes to get everything cleaned up. He cried as I started taking off the shoes, and continued to cry out with pitiful tears,  "TRUCK! TRUCK! TRUCK!" as I cleaned him up and got him dressed in new clothes. 

Okay, I'm really going to go now. Wow.

May 15, 2006
I've been having a rough time of it. I have had some better days lately, which gives me hope that this WILL pass sooner than in November or December, but the good days are still harder to come by than the nauseous ones. The medication does work (somewhat, anyway... I still feel nauseous but it's a manageable nausea) but I only take a pill when I feel like it's absolutely necessary. The medication is listed as "probably safe", but of course there are no tests on it in pregnant humans -just rats- so no one really knows for sure. It's probably okay, because lots of people have taken it for nausea when pregnant, but I still have that fear of 20 years down the road, when they find out what effects different medications really have. And other than that unknown, I just hate taking the pills anyway because, not only do they make me so sleepy that I am completely useless for the next four or five hours, but the pills themselves make me almost throw up every time I take one. Though they are small (and I take just half a pill), they are uncoated, and it begins to dissolve the instant it touches my throat, even when I shove it as FAR back into my throat as I possibly can. Every time I take a pill (which, like I said, I only do when I'm feeling extremely nauseous anyway), the instant the sour flavor of the medication hits my mouth I start to gag. Not fun. The sleepiness part has been really hard because I feel like I am the most un-fun mommy in the world right now. I'm constantly (when I'm not having a good day - which I did have a couple recently!) either sitting on the couch being useless because I am feeling so sick that I don't want to move, or I'm not feeling nauseous anymore but now I'm sitting on the couch being useless because my eyes won't stay open. In either case, I'm having trouble just simply being a mom right now. I know I'm doing the best I can, and growing another baby even without having two others to take care of is hard enough anyway, but right now I'm feeling like that's not very much to say I've accomplished in a day, or a week, and it's starting to get to me. I was able to get out of the house a couple times last week, which helps with the kids' boredom levels, but then I am so exhausted the rest of the day that nothing else gets done. (Including picking up toys or keeping laundry going. Ugh...) I feel bad that I haven't even thought to take pictures of the kids, or play games with them, and I've barely wanted to even sit down here to get on the computer to write, or check my email.  Right now Ethan is up from his nap (which lately has unfortunately been switching from him going RIGHT down after lunch is over, to a 45-minute long drama of Ethan tears, me yelling "Lay back down!", and resorting to standing or sitting sentry at his door frame so that he actually stays in bed and gets a shot at falling asleep. I didn't know how good I had it when Natalie was using the toddler bed and didn't realize she could climb out of it...) Anyway, where was I? Oh - yes - Ethan is up from his nap and the kids are plopped in front of Blue's Clues.  They're happy, giving me lots of hugs and kisses, and I'm sure they will get through this with me none the worse, but it still makes me feel bad that I haven't been available for much for interaction with them. (Or anyone, actually! So if you are a friend and haven't heard much from me lately, trust me, it's not you, it's me.) :-) I'm waiting with great hope for the burst of energy and health that is - that WILL be (I'm thinking positively here) the second trimester!

Yesterday was my fifth mother's day. I was feeling particularly sick throughout the morning. Then we met with my family for a mother's day brunch at Grand Host East. We've really liked it in the past, which is why we (mothers, who planned the day) decided to go there again. It was expensive, but still good, or at least that's what I heard. I was a little perturbed that we spent $27 on my buffet meal when all I was able to eat was a few bites of egg omelet, some salad greens, fruit (I've discovered that pineapple is a really good thing to eat when nothing else sounds edible), and a wheat bread roll with butter. All the food looked good to me, until I went up to the buffet and tried to make some selections. Then my stomach said "NO!" repeatedly. I took a pill about half way through the meal, so about the time we all headed back to my mom's house for a little while, the unstoppable sleepiness began. (I really can't imagine how bad it would be if I took a whole pill!) I started crashing on the way home (yes Phil was driving - he's probably been driving us more in the past few weeks than he has the whole time we've been married, since I've typically been the de facto driver). I was happy to see that Ethan crashed too, and he stayed asleep when Phil brought him into the house. So we both got a nap yesterday afternoon, at least for a little while. Which pretty much threw off the rest of the evening, because we both woke up at about 6:30. After we all ate some dinner of leftovers, Phil had to go into work for awhile, which I wasn't looking forward to since that meant I'd probably be putting the kids to bed by myself (when I was feeling yucky). As it turned out, it was a nice ending to my mother's day. Since Ethan had taken a late nap (and Natalie NEVER needs naps anymore, no matter how much we think she really could use one), I decided to keep them up later than usual, and we watched Lady and the Tramp together, snuggling up on the couch. I had one kid on either side of me, and they both just sat there (almost) the whole time. It was nice, just being snuggled up with my kids.  Even when Mr. Wiggles got the wigglies and decided to go diving head-first over to his sister, and my sensitive, but increasingly in the way belly, in his path. Boy that hurts! I don't remember Natalie ever, or at least not NEARLY as often, crashing head-first into my belly when I was pregnant with Ethan. The boy just loves to careen right into me. Good thing God takes big brothers into account and gives babies lots of amniotic fluid to float around in.

Just one more thing I wanted to note today - I noticed that about two days after I started taking the nausea med, and I was finally eating at least a little something, I woke up with a belly. About a week ago I noticed that my belly button is already flattening out. My belly started showing to me almost right away, of course (there's no semblance of ab muscles there anymore to keep anything back, and since this is my third time my body just knows right what to do) but it was a belly that I could hide (if I was torturing myself by wearing binding, non-maternity clothes) as just a little weight gained around my middle. Well, after I started eating again, I suddenly looked pregnant. DEFINITELY, no chance at hiding it, pregnant. So far it's a nice front-rounded belly, like I had with Ethan.  I hope to not get that all-around spread like I had with Natalie! I'll eventually get a belly picture taken. I started with Month 2 with Natalie and Ethan. Month 3 will have to be my first belly shot this time around (if I can remember to get out my camera - a real issue I'm having lately!) 

May 4, 2006
I went to the doctor's office yesterday and I think -I hope- I'm going to start feeling better now. I finally called yesterday morning, because on top of all the nausea I've been having, for the previous almost three days I had been having a bad migraine-type headache. I would take Tylenol for it and if it subsided even at all (and it usually didn't), it would be back in full force well before the four hours was up and I could take more. I spent half the night and half of the day yesterday in tears. When I called about it, they wanted me to come in, because headaches shouldn't last three days and not go away with continually taking Tylenol.  They checked my blood pressure it it was just fine, which was good. I have lost a little weight since my last appointment - I weighed the exact same as last time, but yesterday I was wearing jeans and a long sleeve shirt, and last time I had worn very light clothes (I usually try to wear my lightest clothes possible and slip-off shoes when I go to the doctor because of the weigh-in which never takes into account your clothes).  They could all tell I was not feeling well at all- and I'd taken my last dosage of Tylenol just a half hour before my appointment. After asking me lots of questions about how much I was eating, and how nauseous I had been, the nurse told me that my headache was more than likely caused by low blood sugar, since I haven't been eating! It makes sense - I often get headaches when I miss any meals. I have been trying my best to eat as much as possible, but the nausea had gotten so bad that even though I felt hungry, eating just sounded horrible to me and I couldn't stomach anything more than bread or pasta.  She told me she could give me a medicine for migraine headaches that was approved for pregnancy, but it really wasn't anything more than Tylenol and caffeine. Since I never have caffeine, she said my body would probably just respond really well to drinking a pop. (I had a Coke last night with dinner, and my headache started going away pretty fast.) She gave me a prescription for an anti-nausea med, which I'm supposed to take just half a tablet every 6 to 8 hours. Last night I still felt pretty nauseous, but it is tolerable nauseous, so at least I can attempt to eat something. 

There's one thing I forgot to add about Ethan the other day. When my headache started, Ethan was looking concerned about me and I told him I had a headache. He said "ache". "Yes," I said, "Mama's got a boo-boo right here." He leaned over and gave me a kiss right on my forehead, where I had pointed. It was so cute. He's very into kisses for boo-boos right now. If he sees any small speck on his hand or arm or leg, or anywhere, whether real or imagined, he says "boo boo!" and wants me to kiss it.  He kisses all my "boo-boos", especially the ones that look to me to just be freckles.

The other day we were in our county board of elections, where we had to vote since we had just moved and hadn't updated our address yet (and we changed counties). The phone in the office, being voting day, was of course ringing (the office kind of ring where it doesn't just ring but plays a little tune) off the hook. We'd been there not more than about ten minutes, listening to the phone ring while we were waiting, and suddenly I heard a little singing voice. Ethan was singing the phone ring, in the exact pitch and tune that the phone had been ringing!

May 1, 2006
There's so much I want to write about, but I haven't had the energy to do much on this computer other than turn it on and check my email, lately. I have been so very sick. "Morning sickness" (ha, I wish) hit me with a vengeance a couple weeks ago, and it's been really bad. I haven't vomited, but I really wish I would. Maybe then I'd at least have some brief relief. (At least, I know when I'm sick sometimes getting it out gives you a little bit of a respite, although I've heard it doesn't quite work that way with pregnancy nausea.) I've been feeling so bad, almost constantly. It reminds me of those days (many years ago now, thankfully, though I remember too vividly), when the hangover hasn't hit yet but I know I should have stopped drinking a LONG time ago, and now the room is swimming and the only thing I have to look forward to is the knowledge that revenge is coming. My head swims constantly and I feel like I've been rocking back and forth on a small, unsteady boat. Being in the car seems to make it worse, but then again so does laying down on the couch, sitting up up in a chair, or walking around. Being outside in the fresh air seems to make me feel better, for a time, but that also gets me feeling hungrier too. One of the hardest parts for me is that I still feel hungry all the time, but when I go to eat something, NOTHING sounds good except for bread or crackers, and sometimes a light salad or soup, but then no matter what I eat, afterwards I feel 10 times worse than before I ate. I'm trying to eat very small, frequent "meals" (if you can call eating bagels or slices of bread a meal), but it doesn't seem to matter how much or little I eat. When I get anything in my stomach, I feel like it's not going to stay there for very long. If my stomach gets too empty, I feel sick AND weak with hunger...

I really had no idea what morning sickness was up until now. I did have some bouts of pretty bad nausea with Natalie and Ethan, but it was always something that came and went. This is in another league altogether. I feel bad that I haven't cooked very often for us - not only does nothing sound good, but I'm so very excited to report that my raw meat aversion has returned. Last week I was trying to brown up some ground turkey, and the smell and sight of it was more than I could handle. Phil finished cooking up that batch, but the end result of how I've been feeling is that we're spending a lot of money eating out right now. A few weeks ago there was little else I wanted more than a big juicy steak (we don't eat much red meat anymore, so I thought it was funny that red meat was what I couldn't get enough of) but a few days ago we were eating (out) at Hometown Buffet, where I was nibbling on my salad and roll, and I decided to brace my stomach and bring back a small piece of steak, just to try it. I took one bite of the just-slightly-a-little-pink, mostly overcooked steak, and I had to spit the piece out of my mouth. I had forgotten about how I had this problem when I was pregnant with Ethan. With Natalie I just couldn't eat chicken, but with Ethan I was able to eat any meat as long as it had NO trace of pink in it. (I normally like my red meat on the juicy side of medium.) Now I am having trouble cooking any meat at all, so my family isn't getting great nutrition right now either.

Okay, so that's enough whining about me. I know this will pass, hopefully in closer to two to three weeks and not seven-ish months from now. Apparently my mom was really sick her whole pregnancy with me. But just look how sweet I turned out, right? (RIGHT?) And maybe since so far this pregnancy is so VERY COMPLETELY, TOTALLY different from my first two, maybe the trend will continue with no pre-term labor on the other side of things. I'm really trying my best to enjoy this pregnancy, knowing that this will be my last one. I really WANT to enjoy this pregnancy.

So now a little about the kids - there has been so much lately I've wanted to write about them, and trying to remind myself not to forget to write about. But I know I will anyway - that's what happens when I don't get on here to write more than once every two weeks.

Natalie has lately decided she wants to be an Irish dancer. She's still doing her tumbling and ballet at dance class (and she has her recital coming up on the 20th), but at home all she does is Irish step dancing. On St. Patrick's Day, we went to a festival where they had an Irish dance troupe perform, and she loved every minute. Ever since then, she wants to listen to Irish music whenever we're in the car, and she's now watched a couple Riverdance videos. (Plus on several Wiggles videos they have Irish dancers, too.)  She's so cute - she puts on her dress up shoes (the ones she wore in Aunt Nanny's wedding, which are too small now but she still likes to play with), which before were her "Daisy's birthday party" shoes (when she dressed up as Dora's cousin Daisy). Now she puts them on and stomps all over the house with her hands at her hips. She asks if she's doing it right, and she often asks if she can do Irish dance class when she's five. She's even got Ethan doing it. It's so cute when they both start dancing around. At home they run around in circles together. Lately Ethan has started putting his hands over his head like he's going to do a pirouette, too.

Ethan is talking up a storm these days - his language is really exploding. He's suddenly using lots of two-word phrases, too, and he finds great delight in all the new words and phrases he says. The other day we were passing by some freshly-laid mulch (great time of year for me to have a sensitive nose!) and I said "that mulch is STINKY!" Ethan then continued to repeat, with great glee, all day long, "mulch! stink!" He also really likes labeling the possession of things lately - he goes around the house and points to things and says "mama's", "da's", "na's". I really emphasizes the apostrophe "s" sound in all his labels. With all his words, he will continue to repeat them over and over, until you respond and repeat back his word, showing him that yes, you DID understand him.

Phil told me that he finally got our ultrasound picture scanned in today, so he'll email it to me tomorrow and I'll finally get it posted.