Natalie is really starting to get good at pulling to a stand and standing on her own. I'm starting to be convinced that she is never going to really crawl, and just go right to walking, because she still doesn't show much interest in it. Which is fine with me, she's still easy to keep up with this way. She gets up on her hands and knees all the time and either moves backwards, or dives or scoots to where she wants to go; she certainly has no difficulty reaching where she wants to go, but her ability to stand and cruise around on her feet is getting so much better so much faster, I wouldn't be surprised if she skips true crawling, just like I did. One thing she is doing that is really cute lately is sitting up on her knees when she plays though. She sits up on her knees in a way that make my knees just ache by looking at her! 

I thought of something the other day. It's not going to come out in words exactly like what I was thinking, but I'm going to try. I was asked by someone when it was that I decided I wanted to have a baby, because she is engaged and, like me before getting married, thinks she'll either never get the desire to have a baby or else it would be a really long time! I had told her that before I got married I said it would be at the VERY least, five years. Before we even began thinking about it. But then once I got married, within about a year things changed. Even commercials with babies on them would get me all teary and I'd get this strange ache in the pit of my stomach that I knew was the "baby bug". Anyway, it got me to thinking. There are lots of multifaceted reasons for wanting to have a baby, and I couldn't possibly begin to describe all of them. But for me there were two that stood out. One, I wanted to have my own family, my own "fresh start" with raising a child the way I wanted, most specifically, in a Christ-centered home. And secondly, once I got married I had an all new desire to really become a family with my husband, the one I had chosen to love (I say chosen because love is an action, not just a feeling) for our entire lives through thick and thin, by having a child who would be half him and half me, in appearance, in personality, in family history. For all time, now our two families are linked by blood; we aren't just a married couple anymore, we are more of the "one flesh" that God intends a married husband and wife to become. Thinking about this made me think, wow, it's all pretty self centered, this desire to have a baby. And then once the baby comes, well, beginning during pregnancy but really after the baby comes, "self centered" doesn't even seem to be part of my vocabulary anymore. It just can't, at least at this stage of Natalie's life there just isn't the time. Not a moment goes by anymore where I am not at least thinking about if not doing something for our baby. It's been really good for me. My nature is to be awfully self centered, not to mention quite impatient. I've known, prayed, and struggled against my impatient nature for a long time now, but with having a baby to care for I really have to put that struggle against the self into action daily. Lately, especially as Natalie has become more active and more demanding about what she does and does not want to do every single moment, daily I have to pray for God to give me just enough patience and wisdom for another day. You really begin to see understand it when people say that being a parent is the best and hardest job in the world. In my case it is also teaching me in a very hands-on way to push aside my fallen human nature every single day to learn to become more like Christ. God is teaching me so much through being a mother.

November 12, 2002 - Happy birthday Aunt Nanny!

We went to the doctor this morning. Here are Natalie's 9 month old stats. She is 22 pounds and 8 ounces (22.5 pounds), which put her back on the scale. She's in the 95th percentile, instead of being off the charts. She's still off the charts on her height and head circumference though. Her length is now 30 inches, and her head is 18 3/4 inches. I told the doctor her head size is off the charts because of her big brain.  Natalie didn't have any shots today. She is due for her next Prevnar, but our insurance is all messed up and they won't pay for any more well child care the rest of the year, so we decided to get this month's shots at a child immunization clinic while we are considering changing to a new insurance company. We've been having problems with our insurance all year. They don't pay for anything before we call to complain, and because they won't pay we have hundreds of dollars of bills that are outstanding to all our doctors as well as the hospital from our accident last month. We did have one big surprise at the doctor's today, although I probably shouldn't be surprised considering how Natalie hasn't been herself lately. She has a double ear infection; her first ear infection ever. I hadn't noticed her pulling on her ears or anything, but with the massive teething she's been doing, it would have been hard to tell any other signs because that's caused some low fever and wakefulness on its own. So now Natalie will get her first experience at what we always called "the pink meddie" growing up. Hopefully that will do the trick, and perhaps that will help Natalie feel better so that she can get back on a better sleeping schedule. At least maybe going to bed before 1 am or later!

With all the other stuff going on I forgot to write about what Natalie is doing at nine months. Last month was pretty rough on us all, between teething, Natalie's first big cold, and of course our fall which kept us pretty stationary. Since we have been doing a lot of couch sitting this month, I think it may have slowed down Natalie's mobility a little. A month ago she was so close to crawling but I don't think it's developed much more beyond that yet.  (The only things that have gotten a lot of exercise lately are lots of books and our TV, which went kaput finally yesterday. For the last couple weeks it's been taking anywhere from 5 minutes to a hour to turn on; the sound came on but not the picture. Then yesterday I turned it on at 10 in order to watch the Price is Right at 11, but it never came on all day. So for now we have my LITTLE dorm TV plugged in!) Natalie has gotten very good at lunging around the couch though, and she likes to pull up against it ALL the time. Last night she pulled up and then cruised all by herself all the way across. It was really cute; she was obviously very proud of herself because she just giggled with delight the entire time! I think the cutest thing Natalie is doing right now is her point and say "uh!" thing. She just wants to know what everything is! It's how I picture what someone who is blind all her life would do if their sight was suddenly healed. She's very curious about everything. Her favorite toys these days are anything that are not really toys: books, remotes, bowls, magazines, my hair...oh, and she just loves the velcro on my ankle splint. She plays with all her toys too, but she especially likes to dump them out of the toy basket over and over. And of course she likes anything she can chew on or make flash or cause a racket! She really loves books right now, especially ones where she can point out things on babies' faces. She is also really good at her Find the Duck and Find the Kitten books, where the character is hiding somewhere on each page. She always points it right out, and looks at us with a smile. It's so much fun to watch her play these days.

I guess that's it for now. Natalie's next scheduled check-up is February 10! She'll be a year and a day old!

November 9, 2002 - Today Natalie is 9 months old! We didn't weigh her today because she has a doctor's appointment on Tuesday, so we'll get the official measurements then. Today for her birthday, we went to Blendon Woods park. Natalie had fun on the swings and on the slides, at least when she went down the slides on Daddy's lap. The first time she went down the slide Phil just slid her down using his arms and she was mostly by herself, and she didn't know quite what to think about it. But she giggled when she went down the slides with her daddy! They even went down the big slide, the kind that goes down in a spiral. She really liked it when she was up on the top, looking at me waaaaay down below. We got lots of pictures; hopefully lots of good pictures. I took 22 (out of our roll of 24). The fall colors were just so pretty, and it was so nice to be outside today. We were there right before the sun went down (getting earlier and earlier these days) so I think I got some really nice pictures with the late afternoon sun shining on the trees. It was pretty nice out, and the leaves were really pretty. I've been cooped up at home for three weeks now so I had been missing the fall color!

Well, now we know why the past few days have been even harder on Natalie than we had expected it to be with getting that top tooth: her second top tooth popped through last night too. So now she's working on the two top teeth at the same time, and her bottom teeth have suddenly gotten a lot bigger in the last few days, so those have been moving as well. We've gotten a couple other ideas to help with the teething though. A friend of mine, Caroline, suggested that I give her a frozen waffle to chew on, and she's liked that. (At least until it thaws out and gets mushy and everywhere!) I (well, Phil, actually) also figured out a way to give her some Baby Orajel without most of it ending up either on her tongue or down her throat before ever hitting her gums. (I'd previously pretty much given up on using that stuff because it just never worked.) We are putting a dab of it on a baby toothbrush, which fits over my finger and then I use that to massage her gums. These things seem to be helping a little, at least enough to get her through to her next dosage of Advil. 

It really is amazing that Natalie has been in our lives -not counting the first nine- for 9 months now. (I could technically, I guess, have another baby by now...although that is impossible in my case thanks to breastfeeding...) This whole year is going by so very fast. Pretty soon it's going to be the holidays again. I remember last year thinking how fast things go this time of the year, and how just after that I'd be meeting my little girl. I also remember thinking it was kind of strange that by Christmas time I would have a ten month old (actually since she came early she'll be over that) and I just couldn't imagine how much different my life would be. Nope, I had NO idea!

November 7, 2002 - Last night at church, I suddenly remembered, or I guess, realized, something. It is 10 years ago today that I became a Christian. Ten years ago tonight I had been invited to a youth Lock-In at a church by the boy that I wanted to go out with, and I went only because I wanted to spend time with him. The only part I didn't like was that it meant I had to go to church.  I did end up going out with him, for a long time in fact (and we're still friends now) but the relationship that began for me that night was much, much more important and will last for eternity! I thank God all the time for that divine appointment when I thought I knew my plans for the weekend but God wanted me to meet with Him instead! It's definitely been a winding road for me to be where I am today from where I was then, but through all the ups and downs of the last ten years, God has used all those times to make me who I am today. I still feel so often that there is so much more I want to learn, and I want to have a closer relationship with Jesus every single day. 

It's been a rough couple of days for Natalie. She's really having a rough time with this top tooth. She has been spiting up a lot and breaking out in sudden loud, piercing crying spells very frequently, and she holds her mouth like it's really hurting. We just keep giving her stuff to chew on and doses of children's Advil, but it's definitely been harder for her to break out this tooth than it was for her bottom teeth. She's also become fond of grinding her lower teeth on her new top tooth, which makes an awful sound 

Natalie is doing something really cute these days. Her brain is just going a million miles a minute. She's now pointing at objects and saying "uh!" until I tell her what it is she's looking at. On Sunday I was asking her, "where's mommy's nose?" and she pointed at my nose. This morning as Phil left for work, she pointed to the door after he went out and I told her "That's the door. Daddy went bye-bye to work!" As I said bye-bye, I waved and she then did it too. Then she pointed to the lamp in the front hallway and said "uh!" again, and I said "that's the light!" which seemed to make her happy, she giggled. She's doing this to all kinds of things now, like the floor, the kitties, windows... she's a little sponge! She's so cute.

November 2, 2002 - Well, it finally happened! One of Natalie's top teeth finally worked its way out today, after threatening to for a long time! We could feel those teeth on top moving around even before the bottom teeth, but it took this long for one to finally make its appearance. Just a little while ago I was nursing Natalie, and then after she finished she was just laying back in my arms, and I suddenly heard a little grinding sound. I looked down and said "she must have a top tooth, she's grinding her bottom teeth on something!" I stuck my finger in her mouth (moms and dads have an ordained right to stick their fingers in their child's mouth at will) to explore and sure enough, the top left tooth is through! The right one won't be too far behind if it's like her bottom teeth. Phil and I had been wondering if she was teething lately; in fact, just this afternoon we were talking about that because for the last couple of days Natalie has seemed to have just a really slight fever and just has not been acting herself; not something I could put my finger on specifically but just acting out of sorts. She's been back to her normal self for the last week, after the bump on her head from our fall went down (still not completely gone though) and she seemed to have gotten over her cold too, so we didn't know what was going on with her. I had been beginning to think that maybe she was getting another cold. I should have known!

Once again it's a new month, and although I say this every month, I CAN'T believe it's already November! It's very cold outside and this evening I made the comment that we're now heading into Natalie's second winter! Already! This time she'll be much more aware of it though; last year the most of winter she experienced was tucked inside of her car seat carrier under a stack of blankets. This year we're going to actually get some use out of a winter coat! Last night we made our first fireplace fire of the season. Actually, it's our first fire in the last two years. Last year we never made any fires because I was QUITE toasty enough the entire winter long with Little Bean in there; I didn't have any desire at all to sit sweltering in front of a fire. Last night it was so nice though. And for the first time, Phil got the fire going big and hot enough that we didn't have any smoke coming out the front of the fireplace into our living room. Since we bought this place, we couldn't figure out what we had been doing wrong because we'd always get smoke coming in our house for the first few minutes when we made a fire. Phil commented last night that we probably just always made them too small in the past; we never wanted a really big fire going because we might decide to go out somewhere so we didn't want to have to leave a fire. Since we go nowhere anymore, particularly with the spontaneity we once took for granted, that's not an issue! Ah, but it's still so worth it though. This evening we were sitting around doing nothing, and we have no money to go out and pay for something to do, so we just went out for an aimless drive for about an hour. It probably would have been more fun if it wasn't pitch dark out (one thing I'm already missing about summer!) because then we could have seen the fall colors, but we still had a good time just hanging out together and going nowhere in particular. Yes, Natalie, you have boring parents. We weren't always this way; at least she has my old scrapbooks to see that her mommy and daddy did used to do things! We may be boring now but we're loving it anyway. I wouldn't trade what we have for the spontaneity or DINK lifestyle we used to live for anything.