November 30, 2006
Wow -- we got a surprise today. I took Ella to the doctor (more on that in a moment) and on the way out I asked to put her on the scale. Since she's two weeks old now, she's supposed to be back up to her birth weight. (Which was 7 pounds 2 ounces.) She had a new diaper on, and her sleeper outfit, so that accounts for a bit, since official weigh-ins are always done naked, but the scale showed 8 pounds 5 ounces!!! How is that possible??? I have noticed over the last day or so that her newborn size diapers are finally looking a little snug, but she's still very comfortably wearing newborn sized clothes -- the 0-3 month size still swims on her. Unless her clothes and diaper today are heavier than I think, or the scale was off, I must really have been right yesterday about Ella starting a growth spurt!

I took her to the doctor today -- driving for the first time since delivery! -- because I was getting concerned about her belly button. Her cord fell off really early - a week ago Tuesday, when she wasn't even yet a full week old. (The other two lost theirs around two weeks.) So, although the cord fell off, it has continued to bleed all week. Not bad, but enough that I'd find drops of blood at the top of her folded-over diaper, and on the inside of her clothes. It's normal for there to be a few drops of blood when it falls off, but not continuing to seep for over a week, so I just wanted to have it checked out. The doctor cleaned it out more thoroughly than I've ever dared to excavate, but he didn't see any signs of infection, and it looks to be closing up fine. We are just supposed to watch it closely for the next week, and hopefully it will start to dry out soon. And we still can't give her an official first bath, until it stops seeping. (Just the sponge baths still.)

Just in time for me finally being able to drive again, so I can actually get out of the house during the day, I was hoping to get a nice picture of all the kids taken for Christmas, but Ella has gotten her first baby acne breakout. Two days ago her complexion was still butter-soft and clear, and now it looks a little scaly and pimply, how it will likely remain for about the next month. I probably will still schedule a photo, because I want a picture of the three kids together for Christmas, but I wish I would have remembered that this was coming and made an effort to get a picture taken earlier!

It never ceases to amaze me how fast babies change and develop. In the past couple days I've noticed that she's starting to focus her eyes on my face more, instead of them wandering around all the time. She's also had a few first (reflexive) smiles as she finishes nursing or as she drifts to sleep.

I've been wanting to get noted on here something about Ethan, so I'll tag it on here now. Have I mentioned that we think the boy is REALLY smart? (I'm sure, maybe just once or twice...) About a week ago, Phil was talking with Natalie and Ethan about everyone's birthdays. Phil asked Ethan when his birthday was, and he answered right away, "Me AUGUST!" We didn't really expect him to answer anything other than his very cute "don't KNOW!" then "Hmmmm" before we tell him the answer. 

November 29, 2006
Ella is two weeks old today (or, last night at 12:30) and I think she's right on schedule for the first growth spurt. For the past day and a half she's been wanting to nurse almost non-stop, even sleeping a lot less to keep up the round-the-clock nursing. I'm once again reminded why so many moms give up nursing because of, not only the exhaustion of being "on" 24 hours straight, but also feeling like they must not be producing enough milk. Even I have had that fleeting thought, and I know from experience that I'm lactating just fine! The feeling of engorgement went away this weekend, so I don't feel full all the time anymore, and then a day later Ella starts nursing non-stop, making me feel as if I'm perpetually on "E". You do almost feel like it's because you're not providing enough, but I know that since she's due for a growth spurt any time now, she's just causing my body to prepare for it by increasing my supply -- by nursing a lot more. It's exhausting, though. Up until around Monday, she's had a long nap in late afternoon, then her longest stretch of sleep in late evening, but instead, she's just wanted to be in-arms and nursing. So I haven't gotten to rest or nap. I haven't been able to put her down in her bed much at night, either, since the minute I put her down she's awake again. In this respect, Ella is reminding me a lot of Natalie. Ethan was happy to nurse quickly and voraciously (so much so that I had to give him those gas drops), then be put down for a nap. Ella likes to nurse slowly. She doesn't get much air in her tummy and so rarely needs burped, but it does make me feel like all I'm doing is nursing. (Which was do-able, even if hard to learn to accept, as the mother of just one!)

I'm trying to get out a little bit, though I know I must have overdid it this weekend. It was such nice weather that we -and especially, I! --  wanted to get out of the house, so we took the kids to the zoo, which we hadn't been to since very early in my pregnancy. We only stayed for about an hour, going through only one (a new one) exhibit, and I sat everywhere I came across a bench, but I probably walked too much anyway. On Sunday we went to church (Ella's first time!) and then to lunch afterward, but on Monday I woke up with a bad headache (that is still there marginally) and I started losing a lot more blood than I had since leaving the hospital. It got pretty scary on Monday night, but yesterday I tried extra hard to stay off my feet, and it seems to have slowed back down. (Though not yet to the almost nonexistent level that it was at, so I'm still being more careful now.) I feel like I *should* be able to get back to life here, especially since the other two kids had to deal with bed-rest-unavailable/ no-fun-mommy since early October, they want me to get back to playing with them more, and not just sitting around, but I know it's still early -- it's only been two weeks and even less since the surgery -- and I need to take it easy. Like bed rest, though - easier said than done with two other kids.

I got a survey from the hospital the other day, which I plan on filling out in detail! I'm looking forward to that, though I doubt I'll get any feedback from Riverside about my comments. I'm just one of the thousands of delivering moms that come through their doors!

November 24, 2006
Here, as promised, is Ella's birth story! I've obtained new heights of wordiness this time. It's especially long... but remember, it's not just about her birth but also the whole hospital experience and my tubal surgery. Since it's so long, I posted it on its own page, so click here.

November 22, 2006
Ella is a week old today - already! I'm sill working on my birth story, and it should be posted in a couple days. I wanted to get a small update on here though. Ella is nursing - and growing - really well. We had her first checkup on Monday, and she'd already gained 6 ounces since we left the hospital. (Which the doctor was really happy about. He said that at 5 days old, most newborns are still losing weight, or at most maintaining.) Her birth weight was 7 pounds 2 ounces, but by discharge she was way down -- to 6 pounds 7 ounces. Likely it was so high since the hospital starved me of all foods and liquid for 2 days, that plus the four hours I was away from her when I finally did go into surgery. (More on all that will be fully explained in the birth story...) But now she's growing well, and she has caught right on with nursing. She so far tends to sleep her biggest chunk of time in the early to mid-evening, before I feel like going to bed but waking right about the time I want to head up. Unlike with Natalie, though, who did pretty much the same thing, it doesn't bother me so much -- I don't dread the thought of nighttime approaching. I so much adore the co-sleeper. I really wish I had taken the time (or the money) to find one sooner than this, my last baby. Our bedtime routine so far, is when Phil and I go to bed, I half-lay half-sit, propped by the four pillows, with her on the Boppy. She looks around and nurses for awhile, and I talk to her and do some reading. When she conks out, I just have to slide her down next to me in the co-sleeper, and I put a pillow down and go to sleep. If she stirs but doesn't waken, I just put my hands on her back and she settles back down. When I have to pick her up for feeding at night, I just put my pillow back up, reach over to get her, and she's comfy and feeding and I haven't even fully woken up. I really don't know how often she's waking at night, because I know it's frequent, but it sure is way better than having to get out of bed and go traipsing down the hall to another room, while she waits for me and wakes up more too. I also don't know what I'd do without my Boppy this time. I'm using it constantly, not just for bedtime. My incision (from the tubal) on my tummy is still very tender, so propping the baby up on the Boppy instead of my stomach helps so much. Ethan is so cute - if I've left it across the room, he goes to get it for me and tells me "need Boppy, mama!"  I didn't expect to feel the incision this much. It really hurts to cough or to laugh!  I don't know what I was expecting, I guess, but I didn't realize it would be so sore. Just yesterday was when I stopped with the strong pain meds (oxycontin) and moved down to Advil. But, overall I'm just glad I did end up getting the tubal (like I said, there's a big back story here) and that once it's healed up, it won't be something I'll likely have to think about anymore.

Ethan and Natalie are adjusting. Natalie is doing better than Ethan, but, she's been through this before. Ethan goes back and forth from wanting to give Ella lots of hugs and kisses, saying "Love Baby Ella. She's soft." to acting not quite so thrilled. Actually, he has never wavered from showing his affection toward Ella. (He also loves to say, "Me big BROTHER!") He just really goes back and forth with acting angry toward me. He'll snuggle up to me and give me hugs, but then the next moment he gets angry and disobedient, or just plain refuses to acknowledge that I'm talking to him. (He started this a little before, but he's really doing it now.) The other day, at dinner, right after having a tantrum, Phil asked him if he liked Ella, and he shook his head "no". We believe him. Of course, an hour later he was saying "Love baby Ella" again. Poor kid. He's so sweet and gentle with the baby, but you can tell he's been thrown for a loop. The past two days, my mom (who's been over helping me this week) has gotten him to take long naps by snuggling up with him on the couch, and that has really helped his behavior. I'm hoping maybe I can continue this trend back to naps next week when it's just us. I'm going to try to see if I can get him to take a nap with me in bed, since by mid-afternoon Ella has tended to crash for awhile and I've been needing a nap, too.

The biggest change I've noticed so far, with Ella is how much I want to hold her. I don't know if it's because I know she's my last baby, or because by this, number 3, I know just how incredibly fast this cuddly baby stage goes by, but it's likely a combination of both. I'm just jealous of my time with her. I know I'm not putting her down too much, and I don't care one bit!

Okay, back to the birth story-writing. I'm trying to get that finished and posted soon. It's especially long this time, though, since I need to include a lot about the whole hospital experience and not just her birth.

November 20, 2006
I got this in a pregnancy email today (they still think I'm a month from delivery) and I thought it was hilarious -- being so true to my experience this time!

How you'll know you're in labor
• It suddenly looks like somebody coughed up a big loogie into your undies.
• Your lower back feels like someone is pressing gently on it with a jackhammer.
• You have a sudden desire to clean the house despite being doubled over in pain from contractions.

November 19, 2006
She's here! Gabriella Joy (Ella) was born at 12:30 am on Nov. 15.  Here's a few photos for now. Story to follow soon, as soon as I can sit here comfortably enough to write...

November 13, 2006
Nope, no baby girl yet. I haven't been online much since last week, because I've been too much in pain to sit here. Earlier this evening I responded to a friend's email, so I figured I'd just pretty much cut and paste what I told her, here, for everyone else who was left wondering...

Unfortunately I'm still very much painfully WITH child. I had Ethan at what would have been tonight, the night before 37 weeks, and he was 8 1/2 pounds. This one is causing me a LOT more pain, right on my pubic bone, so I'm more than a little worried that she's going to be even bigger than he was. Or maybe it's just the way she's sitting (or, the way I'm sitting on her, actually) but whatever the case, I can't hardly stand it. I'm so afraid of her getting any bigger at this point. We went in to L&D (again) on Friday because I was having strong contractions every 5 minutes, and thought maybe I had a small break in my water (I was wrong), but when I got there they all but stopped. The few I still had were as strong as they could possibly be (all the way to the top of the chart) but they still sent me home because they weren't close enough together. All weekend long I had a few hours here and there with strong contractions, but they never kept up for more than an hour or so. All day today they've picked back up to 5 minutes, and so we went walking at the mall again tonight, to just try to get them stronger, or my water to break. We came home and put the kids to bed, thinking we'd call out my sister to come over and we'd head to the hospital, and then suddenly tonight they've dropped back down to 10 minutes...UGHHHHHH. 

November 9, 2006
Yes, still here. For whatever, completely inexplicable reason, as of yesterday morning my contractions all but stopped. I've had occasional ones, and those that I do have are extremely painful, but there's been nothing consistent, and certainly nothing close to every five minutes, which up until yesterday morning, they had been for a solid week. I've had maybe two or three an hour. What I have had since yesterday morning, in its place, is such incredibly painful pressure downward on my pelvis that I can hardly walk. I feel like she's so far down that I could almost reach up and pull her out myself. (Sorry for the visual, but that's the best way to describe it.)

Around mid-afternoon today, I started having some contractions again, but they are more like every 15 minutes apart. Nothing that causes me to feel like anything much is happening. Other than the pain thing. I've been trying to push through it today though, anyway, staying on my feet as much as possible, getting some things done around the house that I've been wanting to do for the last month. Like get clean laundry finally taken out of their seemingly permanent spot in their baskets and put away, and I got the co-sleeper set up in our room. I also vacuumed for the first time in a month, and got those purple crayon scribbles on the carpet cleaned off. Maybe just that much activity has been what has caused me to actually have a few contractions again, but I'm not counting on anything else happening. I've also been having sharp pains in my lower back, but that is likely just caused by pushing a vacuum around the house. I do feel like calling my doctor because of this pelvic floor pressure, because at this point I KNOW that all they have to do is break my water and the baby will be out in a matter of hours (or minutes...). I wouldn't even consider it until at least next week (37 weeks) if I didn't feel so immobilized by this kid's head, but I keep hoping that this third time, if I just hold out, my water will break on its own. At this point, being as dilated as I am and feeling like her head is RIGHT THERE, I'm beginning to think I have some kind of ability to create super-strong amniotic sac membranes!!

November 7, 2006
I made it to 36 weeks! I've posted the 9-months pregnant photo on the Growing Belly page. I've been having contractions at 5 minutes apart all day (well, pretty much all week, since our trip to L&D last week), and the picture we took tonight was taken right as one was ending, so it's a lovely shot. I tried my best to smile, really.

As of this afternoon's appointment, I'm now 4 cm dilated, and Liza said there's very little cervix left to thin out. She doesn't figure on it getting any thinner until I'm in active labor at the hospital. We thought that it could have very well been tonight, but being that it's only just after 9 pm, the night is still young. Toward the end of my appointment today, I mentioned that I hadn't felt the baby move much in the last day, since yesterday afternoon. I think I felt about 6 kicks total. I should be feeling a minimum of 6 kicks per hour. Liza suggested that I go right into the hospital from the office, but I asked if it would be okay if I go home and try one hour more at fetal movement counts. When I got home and had sufficiently threatened the kids enough to behave (more on that later) so I could actually lay down on the couch and not move for one hour straight, I counted six, and just six, movements in that hour. I tried it a couple more times tonight, and it's been the same. Just six kicks - no more, but at least I'm getting that. I think the baby must have heard our concern about it this afternoon and so she decided, "Fine! I'll move around! But just enough so that I'm not kicked out of here yet!"  I called Liza back tonight (she's on call tonight) and gave her the report. She's still half expecting to see me tonight. My contractions haven't let up, but they aren't getting any stronger (at least consistently) than they were this afternoon. About half the time I have a really bad one, but then they go back to the fairly-tolerable type.

Liza also told me that the low, painful menstrual-type cramps that I've been feeling off and on for the last week (and very strongly today) is very normal for labor, and she was surprised that I hadn't felt it in the previous labors. She said it's caused by the chemicals that are released that cause the cervix to soften and open. (I can't remember the name of it, it's a p-word, but it's the same stuff that they often use for inductions, a gel kind of thing, to hopefully coerce the cervix to "ripen" when the baby is overdue. Often it doesn't work and women who go in for that type of induction end up with "failure to progress" c-sections.) Well, in my case, I'm apparently very ripe. I'll be really surprised if I make it to my 37 week appointment next Tuesday. It could happen, she could decide to take more time (and that's fine because the ideal is to make it to 37 weeks) but all these signs and some others the past two days lead me to believe that this will be happening in the next day or two. 

I also asked her what I should be looking for now, other than my water breaking, since I'm having contractions every 5 minutes. She said, just when they get consistently stronger, then I should go in. It doesn't sound like they're going to make me do this for the next 3 to 4 weeks if my water doesn't break (unlike the nurse told me last week).

The appointment itself was challenging today. First, when I went in I discovered that I wasn't listed on the schedule for today. They tried to tell me that I didn't have an appointment, but they'd see if they could fit me in. I fished out the appointment card (which I usually don't even keep because I write my appointments down in my book) and sure enough, they had written down today at 2:15. So we weren't sure what happened, but I had to wait for about a half hour to get in (which is a first for this office -- generally I've arrived and have gotten in within 5 minutes). The whole time I just sat there having 5 minute apart contractions, and the kids colored in their coloring books very quietly. Apparently the wait was too much for them, because their behavior broke down incredibly at the exact time I finally got back into my room. Thinking back on it, I still can't believe just how badly my kids behaved today. I reminded them several times before going into the office, "What's the biggest rule today?" "Behave," they both said. (At last week's appointment, my friend Jillane drove me to my appointment and kept the kids out in the waiting room, but the week before, they misbehaved - though not to the degree they did today. So they lost their privilege of a lollipop at the end of the appointment, which made them sad. So they both assured me over and over again that they were going to behave today. Prior to two weeks ago, they've been their normal good kid selves during my appointments.) So anyway, today as soon as I got back to my room and got undressed, they started fighting with each other. Not just fighting, but pulling arms and legs, and strangling each other's necks. Fighting over the toys we brought, the stickers, the coloring books, the colored pencils, or just everything they could think of. At one point, one of the two brown pencils (they both had a brown pencil, you would think this would eliminate at least one fight) had a tip break off, and for whatever reason, both kids wanted this broken pencil. (The broken one. Not the one that worked.) Here I was getting my cervix checked, feet up in stirrups, and then trying to have an actual discussion with Liza about what was going on, but next to me I had both kids screaming and crying and falling all over each other.  I finally leaned over and took the broken brown pencil out of the kids' hands (both of them were holding onto the pencil, trying to fight over it), after which, Natalie proceeded to start wailing at the top of her lungs and dodged this way and that way around me, trying to grab it back from my hand. Ethan then grabbed the other, working, brown pencil, and proceeded to begin scribbling all over the linoleum floor. I was so embarrassed, and completely enraged that my normally very well-behaved children were acting like complete lunatics. When I finally got through the appointment, and thankfully Liza is the mother of young kids so she was able to talk with me over the racket, I got dressed, got a wet wipe and was able to get the pencil markings off the floor, cleaned up the toys and then dragged the kids, both of them still crying, out of the office. As I came into the waiting room, Ethan suddenly decided that he wanted to lay down on the floor right smack in the middle of the door going into the offices. I asked him, "Ethan, do you want to stay here by yourself?" He smiled and nodded yes, so I pulled him at least out of the doorway, into the waiting room, and mock began walking to the front door. Natalie freaked out and screamed, "WE CAN'T LEAVE ETHAN HERE MOM!!!!!" Ethan started crying again but decided to get up from his prone position on the floor and followed me out of the office. And no, they absolutely did not get lollipops today.

What happened to the kids that I know? They fight here at home a lot, yes, but they have NEVER, NEVER acted this way out in public before.  Even Ethan at age two, knows how he is supposed to behave. Natalie for certain does. I don't expect them to act anything more than their age, but they've just never acted this bad, both of them at the same time, before. Sometimes Ethan starts to play "knock down" with his sister when we're out places, but if we just correct him, and remind Natalie not to encourage him, it stops pretty quickly and the kids stay under control. Today was just unbelievable.  I know that they must be feeling stress about everything that has happened the last few weeks around here, but I don't know what else I can do about it. I guess the next couple days, unless I go into the hospital, I'm going to try to get out and go places with the kids since they've been stuck at home with me. It sounds exhausting to even think of doing anything more strenuous than maybe getting some laundry done or standing up to do dishes or cook dinner, when any other activity is combined with being dilated to 4 cm and having contractions every 5 minutes.

This past week Ethan really has been acting out, though. (Just usually at home, not out where others have to see it.) He's been pretty destructive. In the course of two days last week, he colored purple crayon all over the upstairs living room carpet (therefore losing crayon privileges), colored with Natalie's homeschool dry-erase markers on the walls of the basement (they don't dry-erase from painted walls, by the way -- and how did he get these, you ask? I had the foresight to put the markers out of reach, but he found he can pull his kid-size chair over to my homeschool table, climb up on the table, and reach up and get anything he wants off the high bookshelf), he took the salt shaker on the kitchen table and upended it, completely emptying it all over the kitchen and living room, fully unrolled a roll of TP, and today he decided to throw his entire box of Lincoln Logs all over the basement, including lobbing them at his sister's face. He's also in the past few days decided that he loves to slam doors shut, and many times first locking the door and then shutting it. Loudly, and without care if someone is standing right in front of the door or even has a hand or arm in the doorway.

Okay, just so I don't end this journal entry on such a negative note, Ethan is saying some incredibly cute things right now. His language has just really started to explode. Many times, for instance, when we're deciding what to make for lunch or dinner, Ethan will run over to the pantry and say, with great delight and glee, "I know! I know!" Then we'll ask him, "Okay, what?" And then he'll just look at us and not say anything. But he loves to say "I know!" 

November 2, 2006
We had our first trip to Riverside last night. As I wrote about yesterday, I was in a whole lot of pain all day, and by the evening I was having contractions that were regular, though sometimes 10 minutes apart, most of the time more like 5-7 minutes apart. They had gotten more intense, as well, and on top of that, I'd been having what felt like bad menstrual cramps along the lower front, and radiating pain through my hips and back. When Phil went to church last night (he is teaching a class right now so he had to go), I decided that as much pain as I was in, I really didn't want him to be a 25 minute drive away. So I went with him, and I sat there in pain and contracting the whole time. After church was over, we decided to head back home and just monitor it for a little while longer, and get the kids to bed since it was already getting late. By the time we got the kids into bed and asleep around 10 pm, I was starting to really feel awful. The "menstrual"-like cramping was almost non-stop. So I called my doctor's office and they wanted me to go in to get checked out. I called my sister to come over to watch over the sleeping kids, so that we wouldn't have to drag them out in the middle of the night. I didn't know if it would be a couple hour trip, or if we would be staying, but I didn't want the kids to be out in the middle of the night, regardless. (So THANK YOU, THANK YOU! Nan!)

By the time Nan got here and we got out of the house, it was around midnight. (We clocked the trip and it took almost 25 minutes to get to Riverside, which is almost exactly the same as the drive to St. Ann's.) I got checked in and registered (which I hadn't gotten a chance to send in yet since I just got the pre-admittance form on Tuesday) while they were hooking me up to the monitors. They also did a urine test, to see if the low, constant sharp pain I was having was a UTI. That came back negative. My contractions were coming regularly at 5 minutes. A resident checked my cervix, and it hadn't really changed since Tuesday's appointment. That's becoming no big surprise - this is just what happened with Ethan. With him I dilated early to 2 cm, and then just continued to contract for the next few weeks for no real reason. 

This time, one of the strangest things on the monitor was how I'd have the regular, normal "peaks and valleys" of the contractions, but then I'd also have what looked like a constant-rumbling underneath that, like they never quite went down to flat but just was constantly charting some irritation. And that's how it felt, too, with the five minute apart contractions and that other cramping that never went away. I never did get any good explanation for what that was. At one point I asked about it, and the nurse suggested maybe it was pain from ligament stretching... which doesn't really explain it at all to me, but who am I to know, right? This being my third pregnancy, I'm sure I've never felt ligament stretching before...(yeah right!) 

After being monitored for about an hour, the nurse came in with a familiar syringe in her hand - a shot of terbutaline. I asked, "they really want to stop the contractions still?" She said that yes, 35 weeks is still a little too early. So she gave me the shot, and I started to shake (and apparently got really flushed in the face, too - I didn't know it had that effect on me). And then I waited for the contractions to go away, like they did two weeks ago. Well, they flattened down for about 20 or 30 minutes, then started right back up again. Most -but not all- of the contractions weren't as strong as they had been previously, but they were still coming pretty much right at 5 minutes. So, we got sent home, with me still contracting every 5 minutes, and with not really any answers to what was going on. 

That's when it hit me that this is almost identical to what happened with Ethan, just a little earlier and a little more intense. When I was discharged, I asked about having a pill version of the terbutaline to take, but the nurse said that after tonight they wouldn't try to stop them again, that it wouldn't be useful to try to stop contractions at this point. (Okay... so why give me the shot in the first place?) I left feeling pretty frustrated (and very tired, since it was 3 in the morning!) I continued to contract all night, and today, it's been the same thing. Earlier today I called to my doctor's office because I was just hoping to get some more information, like what exactly I should be watching for now, and how long I would have to continue having 5 minute apart contractions. The answer I got was, if my water were to break, then I should come back in, or if they get measurably worse. (Which, yes, is why I called in last night.) I told her that with my son, I did the same thing, and it wasn't until my water was ruptured that anything changed. (And then he was born just a couple hours later, three weeks early, but eight and a half pounds!) I just spoke to a nurse and not a doctor or Liza, but she told me that they likely wouldn't try to do anything like that to step up my contractions until I was 39 or 40 weeks. So apparently I'm just going to keep having 5 minute apart contractions for the next month. I really can't imagine that at this point. They won't give me anything to slow down the contractions (or at least try to), and yet I'm just supposed to keep off my feet and continue to be increasingly exhausted by these continual contractions. I'm fully on board with the idea of keeping things status quo for the next week, just for that security of getting to 36 weeks, but I'm not sure how much more I'm going to take after that. I'll stay on bed rest for one more week, but then, though it will be really painful, I'm not just going to sit around and keep doing this for three or four more weeks after that. Not that increased activity has helped in the past, but hopefully this time it won't be like Ethan's, and maybe my water will break on its own. It would be so nice to have a definitive sign like that, when there will be no question. Every time Phil or I read an article about how to know the difference between real and "false" labor, and when to call the doctor, we just laugh and say "check!" next to each statement...

I am so done with being pregnant. I think that when it's actually time to go into the surgery for my tubal, I might feel a little bit sad, but in so many ways I just know that this is the right decision. I thank God for the blessings of my children and know they are precious gifts, but I do not want to go through pregnancy again. It's funny, how after Ethan I thought, even right there in the delivery room, that I could definitely do this again. With all the problems I had last year I had started to convince myself that two would be just fine, but I still always felt like there was something missing. This time, the whole pregnancy, I've felt completely ready to be done!

November 1, 2006
Still here, still pregnant. Very, very uncomfortable. I can't possibly stress that enough. I'm hurting down in my pelvis now all the time. It hurts no matter what position I'm sit, stand, or lay down in. Her head is always there, always pushing down seemingly ever more forcibly. Still having the same contractions, but it's this pressure that's really making things difficult right now.

I had my 35 week appointment yesterday. When Liza walked in, she took one look at me and said, "I didn't think it would be at all possible from last week, but I tell you, the baby is lower this week."  My cervix is still changing, albeit slowly - as of yesterday morning I was "3-and-some" (not yet 4), still about the same amount effaced (75%) though she told me it was even more soft. I told her I'd been extra vigilant all week about staying off my feet - the strictest bed rest I'd ever done in three pregnancies - so it apparently worked in at least slowing down the cervical changes. Up until Monday night, staying laying down really seemed to be helping to slow down the contractions, too, but then on Monday night they started up pretty frequently even with laying down. That's how it's continued since then, though I'm still laying down a majority of the time, just to take some of pressure off of my cervix, hopefully. (Not that it helps with the pain, but I'd think that at least it's going to help slow down the cervical changes.) On Monday night when it was at its worst, Phil scurried around and got my hospital bag put together, something we hadn't thought about doing yet. So now it's ready to go, if and when we decide it's time. 

Liza told me she still wants me to get to 36 weeks, so I still need to stay off my feet for one more week, but that if anything were to happen, they likely wouldn't stop labor at this point. She said she estimates the baby to be around 6 pounds by now, and her lungs should be fully developed. The only thing that happens in the next couple weeks is weight gain (about a half pound per week), and by next week, the suck reflex will be better developed. I remember that Natalie had a problem with that, but that time I think it was also compounded by my own inexperience, so neither of us knew what we were doing. Four and a half years later, even if this one comes early, at least there won't be a learning curve on my end!