October23

Mom called me this morning to ask about my previous journal entry. She didn't understand why I was so upset about the name issue, and said she didn't realize it when I told her that no one in the entire family had had anything nice to say to me about the name we had picked out. Apparently, she told me, everyone in the whole family just loves the name and thinks it is very beautiful, which I'm very happy about, but it just upset me that no one ever told ME this, that all *I* had heard were complaints about how there were no nicknames to go with it. When all you hear are negative comments (or, at least "neutral" comments included with "joking" about why couldn't I pick out a name that has a good nickname), what else could I have assumed except that everyone in the family really hated the name that Phil and I had fallen in love with? In the absence of any supportive comments from my family, I began to feel more and more hurt with every "joke" that came up about my baby's name. This decision is not something to take lightly, like what shall I have for lunch today, peanut butter or a bowl of soup? but this is an issue that will affect my daughter's entire life. It's a big decision, and it was something that Phil and I put a lot of time and effort into thinking about. All through Biblical times, a child's name wasn't something to be taken or decided upon lightly, because the name given often rippled through the personality of that person throughout their lives. I think this still holds true today, which is why we wanted a solid name that wasn't cutsie, for one thing, and would be a name that we felt would really fit. And so far at least, with the baby inside of me that I am getting to know more and more every day, the name Natalie does fit. Maybe something else will fit later as well, but for now Natalie is the name we decided. I love that name, and I'm glad to hear the rest of my family does as well. It means a lot to me to know they all like the name too, because I love my whole family very dearly and they mean so much to me. To all of my family who reads these journals, I just want to say that I'm really sorry if my last journal entry upset you or offended you, I don't intend for my journal to be a personal rant or a way to get my family angry at me, but please understand that I've intended these journals to be a record of my thoughts and feelings during this pregnancy, and those thoughts and feelings won't always be nothing but joy and happiness. I want to share this time with all of you, especially those I can't be with in person, because I know everyone is very excited about this baby, and this journal has been a wonderful way of doing that, but along with that goal I'm also writing this journal to record my personal thoughts about what is going on in my life. The past two weeks have had many great things happen in them, but it was overshadowed by my growing frustration with the lack of support when it came to the name we had picked out, so as the dominating thought in my mind during the past two weeks, that came out in my journal. When Mom told me this morning that everyone has told her how much they love the name and how beautiful it is, it honestly very much shocked me because I had heard nothing like that from anyone other than non-relatives. I know a lot of you still think of me as just "one of the kids", and I know that I'm in a highly emotional state right now anyway -- but think back to when you were pregnant and then how you would have felt if everyone you care most about in your life had nothing at all positive to say about a very important decision you and your husband had decided about: the name of your baby. I may well be "one of the kids", but for the first time in this generation I'm also going to be a mother soon, with the same thoughts and feelings about my baby that you had when you were in my situation. I hope you can understand that. Yes, it's an emotional time for me, and I admit that I'm on an emotional roller coaster right now, in fact according to "my books" I'm due for another big surge this coming couple of weeks! but I think my feelings about this situation are very valid because it IS such an important decision, and in our family, we are very close and mean a lot to each other, so when you hear nothing but negativity it begins to cut deeply. I also don't want anyone to feel like they have to walk around on eggshells around me. Don't pass on your feelings through someone else and assume I'll get the full story. I think that's one thing that has happened in our family more than once, and probably happens in many families: things get discussed and everyone always assumes that someone else passed on the information to someone else. In this case, it didn't. I thought everyone I loved hated the name we had picked out, because I hadn't heard any supportive words otherwise. Like I said, in the absence of anything positive what else could I have thought?



	October 23, 2001 Addendum to Week 23 Entry Mom called me this morning to ask about my previous journal entry. She didn't understand why I was so upset about the name issue, and said she didn't realize it when I told her that no one in the entire family had had anything nice to say to me about the name we had picked out. Apparently, she told me, everyone in the whole family just loves the name and thinks it is very beautiful, which I'm very happy about, but it just upset me that no one ever told ME this, that all I had heard were complaints about how there were no nicknames to go with it. When all you hear are negative comments (or, at least "neutral" comments included with "joking" about why couldn't I pick out a name that has a good nickname), what else could I have assumed except that everyone in the family really hated the name that Phil and I had fallen in love with? In the absence of any supportive comments from my family, I began to feel more and more hurt with every "joke" that came up about my baby's name. This decision is not something to take lightly, like what shall I have for lunch today, peanut butter or a bowl of soup? but this is an issue that will affect my daughter's entire life. It's a big decision, and it was something that Phil and I put a lot of time and effort into thinking about. All through Biblical times, a child's name wasn't something to be taken or decided upon lightly, because the name given often rippled through the personality of that person throughout their lives. I think this still holds true today, which is why we wanted a solid name that wasn't cutsie, for one thing, and would be a name that we felt would really fit. And so far at least, with the baby inside of me that I am getting to know more and more every day, the name Natalie does fit. Maybe something else will fit later as well, but for now Natalie is the name we decided. I love that name, and I'm glad to hear the rest of my family does as well. It means a lot to me to know they all like the name too, because I love my whole family very dearly and they mean so much to me. To all of my family who reads these journals, I just want to say that I'm really sorry if my last journal entry upset you or offended you, I don't intend for my journal to be a personal rant or a way to get my family angry at me, but please understand that I've intended these journals to be a record of my thoughts and feelings during this pregnancy, and those thoughts and feelings won't always be nothing but joy and happiness. I want to share this time with all of you, especially those I can't be with in person, because I know everyone is very excited about this baby, and this journal has been a wonderful way of doing that, but along with that goal I'm also writing this journal to record my personal thoughts about what is going on in my life. The past two weeks have had many great things happen in them, but it was overshadowed by my growing frustration with the lack of support when it came to the name we had picked out, so as the dominating thought in my mind during the past two weeks, that came out in my journal. When Mom told me this morning that everyone has told her how much they love the name and how beautiful it is, it honestly very much shocked me because I had heard nothing like that from anyone other than non-relatives. I know a lot of you still think of me as just "one of the kids", and I know that I'm in a highly emotional state right now anyway -- but think back to when you were pregnant and then how you would have felt if everyone you care most about in your life had nothing at all positive to say about a very important decision you and your husband had decided about: the name of your baby. I may well be "one of the kids", but for the first time in this generation I'm also going to be a mother soon, with the same thoughts and feelings about my baby that you had when you were in my situation. I hope you can understand that. Yes, it's an emotional time for me, and I admit that I'm on an emotional roller coaster right now, in fact according to "my books" I'm due for another big surge this coming couple of weeks! but I think my feelings about this situation are very valid because it IS such an important decision, and in our family, we are very close and mean a lot to each other, so when you hear nothing but negativity it begins to cut deeply. I also don't want anyone to feel like they have to walk around on eggshells around me. Don't pass on your feelings through someone else and assume I'll get the full story. I think that's one thing that has happened in our family more than once, and probably happens in many families: things get discussed and everyone always assumes that someone else passed on the information to someone else. In this case, it didn't. I thought everyone I loved hated the name we had picked out, because I hadn't heard any supportive words otherwise. Like I said, in the absence of anything positive what else could I have thought? I love you all and I don't want anyone to think I am personally upset at any one at all. It made me feel much better to find out this morning that everyone truly does like the name Natalie Jayne. This is a decision that is mine and Phil's alone, as will be many other things in the coming years, but it is important to me to know that those I love most in this world are supportive of our decision. Before this morning, I was feeling abandoned in that way, so that came out in my journal. My journal is simply that, a journal of my thoughts. I want you all to keep reading it, though, and not be afraid of what you will find when you do. So far I have had an overwhelmingly positive experience with this pregnancy, and I hope for that to continue -- in all ways, physical AND emotional!