October8

October 8, 2001

Week 21

Well, we had our second ultrasound!! I didn't sleep well at all last night, I'll get more into that a little later, but mostly I was just so excited to find out if the little bean was a boy or a girl. We got to Dr. Teague's a little before our appointment at 9:15 I wanted to get there a little early to beat any crowds and to hopefully get in the ultrasound room. When I called the nurse on Friday to confirm that we would be having an ultrasound, she told me, "well, one isn't *scheduled* for you - did you talk to Dr. Teague about it last time?" I told her that yes, I had asked if another ultrasound would be scheduled for a mid-term check and she told me that since things were going so well, no, one wouldn't be scheduled, but we could still do one if I wanted to know the sex. And if we paid for it. Phil and I had decided that it was worth it for us, so we told her we would like that, and she told me it would be at this appointment. I told the nurse all of that on Friday, and then she said "okay, that's what I needed to hear. Let me just tell you that when you get in here on Monday morning, make sure you tell the receptionist that you would like to be put in the ultrasound room. While we can't *schedule* an ultrasound for you, since it's not medically needed, if you just *happen* to be in that room, she might decided to go ahead and do one." She was half laughing as she said all this. She went on to tell me that often they find a reason to do the ultrasound, such as measuring too small, too large, not feeling much movement, etc etc... She finished the call by saying (and laughing), "So did I answer your question...appropriately?" I told her yes, I got the idea, and that was that. So I wanted to make sure I got there early enough this morning to get my choice of rooms. When I signed in at the doctor, I was the first person on this list for my doctor this morning, and I was indeed led back to the ultrasound room. I was pretty much on pins and needles about it all morning though - after several days of not feeling much movement at all after feeling lots of movement up to about a week ago, I was feeling anxious that something was wrong. I knew it probably WASN'T, but I still couldn't stop thinking about it. It doesn't help that a girl from work lost her baby at 21 weeks, and she told me all about it, so I've sort of been approaching week 21 with that fear anyway. I know I shouldn't, but I still think about it. As my doctor told me, people talk about what happened to share their grief and to help to get better, but it sure doesn't help to talk about that with someone who is at the stage of pregnancy that you lost your baby! I just have had constant worries these days, to be honest. This pain, that stretch, this movement, lack of any movements...it just goes on and on even though I try not to think about it. Our pastor once gave a sermon - a mother's day sermon I think - about child "bearing", and he made the comment that it doesn't just refer to the act of giving birth, but that you bear your child for its entire life, from one struggle and issue to the next. That even once you give birth, the child-bearing pains are just then really starting. I thought that was a really good insight. And I've seen in the past several months how that's already true for me now, if I'm reassured about one thing, a week later I'm thinking about something else. I just always can't wait until I get to my next four-week appointment so that I can hear that heartbeat and know everything is going okay. Last night all these thoughts were just running through my head, PLUS wondering if we did get the ultrasound, if we'd be able to tell if it was a boy or a girl, but mostly I wondered about if the baby was okay and if it looked like he or she was growing correctly. I tossed and turned (well, actually, not much turning since I can't turn over easily anymore) all night thinking about it. I was wide-awake at the first sound of the alarm this morning, which is not at all like me! This time I was excited to know that if things were going well he or she would look MUCH different than last time too!

So, Phil, mom (who came with us to this appointment so that she could see her grandbaby for the first time!) and I sat in the waiting room for just a few minutes, and since we were first on the list, I got right in. I was weighed, and I found out I'd gained four pounds since last appointment - right on track, finally! We didn't know if I would have gained weight since I've been doing water aerobics, but I know I'd definitely gotten bigger in my tummy, so I was happy to know it showed up in weight. I told the nurse about my decreased movements, so she wrote that down. Then we went back to the room and the she checked for the heartbeat with the Dopplar. It was REALLY strong this time! After that, Dr. Teague came in and told me not to worry about the movements yet, because for one, they aren't going to really be felt regularly until around weeks 25 through 28, and as of right now, the uterus is still thick enough that I might not feel all the movements, especially if the baby is laying a certain way. She then measured my tummy and said it was just perfect. At one point during the exam she noticed how my belly button was already sticking out and said she thinks I might be getting a hernia behind my belly button! Apparently that's pretty normal in pregnancy, if it's already close by anyway, when the baby starts pushing out and adding pressure there. It will just have to be something to watch. So then she got out the cold gel to do the ultrasound!! (Which we didn't end up paying for, by the way! Dr. Teague didn't write it down on the exam paper, so we didn't get charged for it - yay!) There was the baby, right away in the picture, laying across my tummy -"transvex" I think she said it was called - the head on my left side and the legs on my right. So that might also explain why I'd felt less movements; the baby wasn't kicking my bladder or my stomach in that position! Dr. Teague measured her head, a nice, round head! and we saw all the parts in the places they should be. Everything looked really good. Then she started looking at the telling parts. It wasn't hard because she had her legs pulled up to her body so we got a good view from below! She asked me if we wanted to know and of course we said YES! She looked from underneath the baby and then said VERY slowly (so slow that you could just feel the tension building in the air!) "It's a.girl"! It took my breath away because we had completely thought - every gut feeling I had - said it was going to be a boy!! I remember not ever thinking about having a boy before I got pregnant, but from the time she was conceived I never once had a girl thought, with the exception of that dream where I had unnamed twin girls! So we were very pleasantly surprised! Dr. Teague told us that while you can't of course say with 100% accuracy, especially with girls, she'd done this many, many times and had only been wrong once. So we feel pretty confident about it! She showed us the parts, and pointed out the folds of skin between her legs, and then explained that she also then looks to find the lines of the vaginal organs for a girl. Then mom asked her (this was so funny) what she would look for in a boy. Dr. Teague dryly answered (only if you know her would the story really be funny) but in a pretty deadpan voice she said, "a penis". We all laughed and I said to mom, "I know I don't know much about baby boys but even *I* figured THAT one out!" She meant "how would it look different" of course, but what she said instead was so funny. We looked around at her for a little longer, and it was so amazing. She has very long fingers and long legs and arms, just like Phil and I. Dr. Teague commented on how long her fingers were. Another piano player in the family perhaps? And Phil and I were saying she probably has his head too because it was so big and round! She was so cute, at one point she was clapping her hands together. I just think she's already getting ready for marching band and for praise and worship in church! Oh, and according to the ultrasound, she's measuring at a week early, February 15. But since I was on fertility and KNOW when she was conceived, we're not moving the date up since it's only a week. But who knows, maybe we'll have a Valentine's Day baby!

We left the doctor this morning in a bit of a state of shock, and also overwhelmed with happiness. The whole time I drove to work I felt like I was on a cloud. As the day went on today, the more I thought about our little baby girl, the happier I got. Suddenly it all seems even more real. It's not just a baby in there, it's our baby - long arms, long legs - our baby girl! It also just felt so comforting to know that everything looked to be growing so healthy and strong, and that she was so active! She didn't stop moving the whole time we were peeking in on her! I think that the assurance I got from hearing AND seeing our baby this time will let me relax now and realize that everything is going to be okay!

As a final note, I think it's just a little bit ironic that my last appointment was the day of the terrorist attacks, and today was the day after our first strikes back at the Taliban and Osama bin Laden. We're definitely in a history-making moment.



	October 8, 2001 Week 21 Well, we had our second ultrasound!! I didn't sleep well at all last night, I'll get more into that a little later, but mostly I was just so excited to find out if the little bean was a boy or a girl. We got to Dr. Teague's a little before our appointment at 9:15 I wanted to get there a little early to beat any crowds and to hopefully get in the ultrasound room. When I called the nurse on Friday to confirm that we would be having an ultrasound, she told me, "well, one isn't scheduled for you - did you talk to Dr. Teague about it last time?" I told her that yes, I had asked if another ultrasound would be scheduled for a mid-term check and she told me that since things were going so well, no, one wouldn't be scheduled, but we could still do one if I wanted to know the sex. And if we paid for it. Phil and I had decided that it was worth it for us, so we told her we would like that, and she told me it would be at this appointment. I told the nurse all of that on Friday, and then she said "okay, that's what I needed to hear. Let me just tell you that when you get in here on Monday morning, make sure you tell the receptionist that you would like to be put in the ultrasound room. While we can't schedule an ultrasound for you, since it's not medically needed, if you just happen to be in that room, she might decided to go ahead and do one." She was half laughing as she said all this. She went on to tell me that often they find a reason to do the ultrasound, such as measuring too small, too large, not feeling much movement, etc etc... She finished the call by saying (and laughing), "So did I answer your question...appropriately?" I told her yes, I got the idea, and that was that. So I wanted to make sure I got there early enough this morning to get my choice of rooms. When I signed in at the doctor, I was the first person on this list for my doctor this morning, and I was indeed led back to the ultrasound room. I was pretty much on pins and needles about it all morning though - after several days of not feeling much movement at all after feeling lots of movement up to about a week ago, I was feeling anxious that something was wrong. I knew it probably WASN'T, but I still couldn't stop thinking about it. It doesn't help that a girl from work lost her baby at 21 weeks, and she told me all about it, so I've sort of been approaching week 21 with that fear anyway. I know I shouldn't, but I still think about it. As my doctor told me, people talk about what happened to share their grief and to help to get better, but it sure doesn't help to talk about that with someone who is at the stage of pregnancy that you lost your baby! I just have had constant worries these days, to be honest. This pain, that stretch, this movement, lack of any movements...it just goes on and on even though I try not to think about it. Our pastor once gave a sermon - a mother's day sermon I think - about child "bearing", and he made the comment that it doesn't just refer to the act of giving birth, but that you bear your child for its entire life, from one struggle and issue to the next. That even once you give birth, the child-bearing pains are just then really starting. I thought that was a really good insight. And I've seen in the past several months how that's already true for me now, if I'm reassured about one thing, a week later I'm thinking about something else. I just always can't wait until I get to my next four-week appointment so that I can hear that heartbeat and know everything is going okay. Last night all these thoughts were just running through my head, PLUS wondering if we did get the ultrasound, if we'd be able to tell if it was a boy or a girl, but mostly I wondered about if the baby was okay and if it looked like he or she was growing correctly. I tossed and turned (well, actually, not much turning since I can't turn over easily anymore) all night thinking about it. I was wide-awake at the first sound of the alarm this morning, which is not at all like me! This time I was excited to know that if things were going well he or she would look MUCH different than last time too! So, Phil, mom (who came with us to this appointment so that she could see her grandbaby for the first time!) and I sat in the waiting room for just a few minutes, and since we were first on the list, I got right in. I was weighed, and I found out I'd gained four pounds since last appointment - right on track, finally! We didn't know if I would have gained weight since I've been doing water aerobics, but I know I'd definitely gotten bigger in my tummy, so I was happy to know it showed up in weight. I told the nurse about my decreased movements, so she wrote that down. Then we went back to the room and the she checked for the heartbeat with the Dopplar. It was REALLY strong this time! After that, Dr. Teague came in and told me not to worry about the movements yet, because for one, they aren't going to really be felt regularly until around weeks 25 through 28, and as of right now, the uterus is still thick enough that I might not feel all the movements, especially if the baby is laying a certain way. She then measured my tummy and said it was just perfect. At one point during the exam she noticed how my belly button was already sticking out and said she thinks I might be getting a hernia behind my belly button! Apparently that's pretty normal in pregnancy, if it's already close by anyway, when the baby starts pushing out and adding pressure there. It will just have to be something to watch. So then she got out the cold gel to do the ultrasound!! (Which we didn't end up paying for, by the way! Dr. Teague didn't write it down on the exam paper, so we didn't get charged for it - yay!) There was the baby, right away in the picture, laying across my tummy -"transvex" I think she said it was called - the head on my left side and the legs on my right. So that might also explain why I'd felt less movements; the baby wasn't kicking my bladder or my stomach in that position! Dr. Teague measured her head, a nice, round head! and we saw all the parts in the places they should be. Everything looked really good. Then she started looking at the telling parts. It wasn't hard because she had her legs pulled up to her body so we got a good view from below! She asked me if we wanted to know and of course we said YES! She looked from underneath the baby and then said VERY slowly (so slow that you could just feel the tension building in the air!) "It's a.girl"! It took my breath away because we had completely thought - every gut feeling I had - said it was going to be a boy!! I remember not ever thinking about having a boy before I got pregnant, but from the time she was conceived I never once had a girl thought, with the exception of that dream where I had unnamed twin girls! So we were very pleasantly surprised! Dr. Teague told us that while you can't of course say with 100% accuracy, especially with girls, she'd done this many, many times and had only been wrong once. So we feel pretty confident about it! She showed us the parts, and pointed out the folds of skin between her legs, and then explained that she also then looks to find the lines of the vaginal organs for a girl. Then mom asked her (this was so funny) what she would look for in a boy. Dr. Teague dryly answered (only if you know her would the story really be funny) but in a pretty deadpan voice she said, "a penis". We all laughed and I said to mom, "I know I don't know much about baby boys but even I figured THAT one out!" She meant "how would it look different" of course, but what she said instead was so funny. We looked around at her for a little longer, and it was so amazing. She has very long fingers and long legs and arms, just like Phil and I. Dr. Teague commented on how long her fingers were. Another piano player in the family perhaps? And Phil and I were saying she probably has his head too because it was so big and round! She was so cute, at one point she was clapping her hands together. I just think she's already getting ready for marching band and for praise and worship in church! Oh, and according to the ultrasound, she's measuring at a week early, February 15. But since I was on fertility and KNOW when she was conceived, we're not moving the date up since it's only a week. But who knows, maybe we'll have a Valentine's Day baby! We left the doctor this morning in a bit of a state of shock, and also overwhelmed with happiness. The whole time I drove to work I felt like I was on a cloud. As the day went on today, the more I thought about our little baby girl, the happier I got. Suddenly it all seems even more real. It's not just a baby in there, it's our baby - long arms, long legs - our baby girl! It also just felt so comforting to know that everything looked to be growing so healthy and strong, and that she was so active! She didn't stop moving the whole time we were peeking in on her! I think that the assurance I got from hearing AND seeing our baby this time will let me relax now and realize that everything is going to be okay! As a final note, I think it's just a little bit ironic that my last appointment was the day of the terrorist attacks, and today was the day after our first strikes back at the Taliban and Osama bin Laden. We're definitely in a history-making moment.